Currents of Time

I messed with Texas. NOW IT HAS VERMONT COOTIES. Also now I have Texas cooties. I suppose some things simply can't be avoided.

Now, though, it is finally time for me to post my write-up! It took me a week because I got back home to both peak allergies and insane work scheduling, so I have been very busy trying to not pass out everywhere. And also watching The Avengers repeatedly because oh shit how awesome is that movie? PLEASE TAKE MY MONEY.

ANYWAY. If you just want the photo dump, it can be found here on Facebook. Elsewise, read on for entirely too much blathering on my part.

( BotCon write-up + too many pictures )

WORDS. WORDS EVERYWHERE. I will have an update on my life later, because shit done gone down or... something (it is nothing so dramatic as that implies).

Meme from crazedwolf:
Comment here and I'll pick three of your fandoms. You have to repost this with your answers to the questions in your journal.

I was given Final Fantasy X, Transformers, and Supernatural.

( Here we go. )

Man, that got all-caps-y.

NaNo? What NaNo? (LIE. I’ve been working on it. I just also have been raging over Maine pulling a California – WTF, MAINE – and powering my way through ReBoot.) WHILE WE’RE ON THE SUBJECT of my watching ReBoot, I am going to talk about it now.

This post is kind of long, by the way. Man, someday I am going to start making a bunch of reasonable length posts about things, instead of waiting until it’s all over and then BRAIN DUMPING all over the place. It would be more coherent, more readable, and probably less likely to scare people off.

Small disclaimed added to beginning to post after rereading post prior to actually posting said post (instead of making it a post-post post I'LL STOP NOW): I use the word “annoy” several times here, and all of it refers to aspects of the show in question. Maybe this makes it seem like I am complaining a lot or do not actually like it. Do not be fooled. I am far more likely to find things that annoy me (and attempt to figure out why they do) for things I like! (If I do not like something, I may rant and be angry about it, but that is different.) Eventually I get over these most of these things, but it is a very long, slow process. Do not mistake all of my griping here for anything other than a strange expression of glee and adoration.

( In which I talk a lot about ReBoot. Spoilers! )

In conclusion, my department at work appears to be attempting self-destruct this week, but at least it means I get more hours.

…Aaand I just saw the date on the entry and it occurs to me that oh my god you guys I have been playing FFXI for SIX YEARS. What have I been doing with my life. I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL WHEN THIS MADNESS STARTED. (For the purpose of this exclamation, please ignore that I’ve graduated, uh, three times since then, held jobs, and am still employed and living away from my parents now.)

HOUSING GET


:D :D :D


NOW I GET TO FREAK OUT FOR ENTIRELY DIFFERENT REASONS. LIKE "OH MY GOD I HAVE TO MOVE OUT NEXT MONTH."




edit:
i will be getting a new address, which i will give out once i know it. (Well, I know my location, but I think I'm just going to get a PO box.) My parents are not going anywhere so you can still mail things to the address you have, and I will get them. (Also, I'm not moving out until I get back from Mexico, which is mid to late January.)


ALSO I will stop bouncing around and start being as coherent as I ever am soon. I rewarded myself with a copy of Crisis Core, and ended up picking up a copy of Shadow of the Colossus for myself, as well. I was looking at the massive wall of used PS2 games and ... yeah, shut up, I have no self restraint at times. (AT LEAST THE GAMESTOP IS ACROSS THE BIG ROAD FROM THE TOY STORE AND NOT NEXT DOOR TO IT, RIGHT?) Also, I saw a copy of Ōkami, which was really surprising, because I never see that game anywhere. But I bought mine when it came out, so I don't need it. That was just surprising to find.

Edit 2 'CAUSE I CAN:
Also, we're eating Thanksgiving dinner tonight finally. AND THEN WE ARE GOING TO WATCH WALL·E because it is adorable (and since I now own it, we don't even need to go rent it).

I AM EXCITED RIGHT NOW.

Edit 3:
To make today be pretty much perfect, my brother helped me find something that'd allow my computers to play all AVI files again. Finally.

So now I will be busy watching, you know, all of series 12 of Top Gear for the next day or so. GEEZ. *dances*

We subscribe to The Week. It generally shows up on Mondays, when I am the only one home and so fetch the mail. Being one of the sort to read anything with words on it that finds its way in front of me, I read it!

It is largely political. (That is just a statement, not a complaint or something.)

But this week's The Week had two articles that really caught my attention. The first was about a short bit about "the world's first truly functional underwater car." Apparently built by a Swiss company. My immediate reaction was to hope that this somehow ends up on Top Gear.

I miss Top Gear! It should be new episodes time now. Or at least April. I'd settle for April.

Anyway, the magazine. Then on the last page, Top Gear actually showed up! Barely. The television page tells us it will be on Monday (so, er, yesterday) at 8 on BBC America (which, of course, I do not get, and anyway, they cut content, which is no fun. And it's just the most recent stuff, so it's not even anything I've not seen). It also reminds us that a "U.S. version is in the works."

It will not be as excellent. In a similar vein, the Life on Mars adaptation has supposedly been pushed back to autumn. I still don't think I'll watch it, because I am so worried they'll mess it up.


...


I SOUND LIKE SUCH AN ELITIST. I don't mean to! ACK! I just sincerely worry! Life on Mars is perfect as it is! I don't want them to feel they need to change things and make it less perfect because SPOILERY SPOILER SPOILY SPOIL SPOIL and all!



Though, after reflecting on it a bit, I wonder if my want of more Top Gear is part of why "GT" offshoot plot ideas keep attacking me.


Now I go to bed! But if my schedule holds, I will be able to catch up on everything by tomorrow night. That'll be a nice change. (How can I have time to update my journal, if I haven't time to properly read and comment on other entries, or keep up with websites I check? Well, I can type fairly quickly when I know what I'm typing, but I tend to reread entries five or six times before working myself up to actually leaving a comment. YES I AM AFRAID TO LEAVE COMMENTS I DO NOT WANT TO OFFEND OR MAKE A COMPLETE IDIOT OF MYSELF BY MISSING THE POINT COMPLETELY. I manage to do one or the other of those things most of the time I comment, anyway, though, don't I? LAAAAAME AND ALSO SHUT UP. No, er, I keep meaning to make some sort of announcement/entry thing about that. I SAID SHUT UP, SELF. GO TO BED NOW.)


Edit:
On the extremely off chance that anyone was looking for them, all three parts of "Depths" have been locked. I've never been happy with them, and I've finally hidden them away so I can work through them and hopefully make them at least passably decent. They'll be back, I'm just not sure when. And I am quite possibly lying through me teeth.

I was just tackled by Rapid Onset Writer's Block. I don't know why.

Obviously, the thing to do is post to LJ.

( Fandom talk, by which I mean complaining. )

I am updating all the time again already. I do not mean to spam, but I did come to the realization while typing this entry up that I'm avoiding Things. I thought the trip to California might help, but it seems to have made things worse. I'm worn out. I'm tired of fighting.

At least I've finally figured out there is another problem, even if I'm not entirely confident I know what it is yet. At least I'm not just running this time.


Also, despite my computer checking out clean, the Final Fantasy XI hacking has me so frightened. I read a few stories of people who've had their accounts taken from this before I freaked and started boycotting all FFXI-related sites, and it is extremely distressing to me to think of my characters being taken over and used to farm gil and harass other players. I probably shouldn't be so emotionally invested in these digital characters, but Hisi, at least, as been a constant for a little over four years now and I can't stand the thought of losing her here and like that. (Though, really, I'd never lose her, I'd just lose the account.) I don't think that I could take it, and I'm going to go knock on wood until my knuckles bleed now.

I just want things to be okay. I don't understand why that's so hard. And now I'm whining like some eight year old. Good grief.

I am so lonely.

Where is anyone?

Instant Messaging is empty, parents are at work, brother's busy, and I don't even have anyone I could call to talk to.

I can't watch videos online because my internet keeps cutting off every few seconds.



I should be doing homework, but the local library is useless and there's no car to get into town with.

I should be writing, but I can't work on "WST-Live!" while the Silent Hill crossover is on my mind the way it is, and I can't work on that because I feel awful enough right now as it is, and every time I sit and think about it I start to feel ill, because it's wrong.


.... *woe*

In which Jecca rambles an awful lot about mostly nothing.

( This is an entry. )

GOOD NIGHT.

She was a bit of an idiot.


Today I started the incredibly tedious task of ridding myself of several - dare I say, most - of my older writing pieces (all written around the year 2000). Not the cracky stuff I narrated to my mother when I was six (or younger), because that stuff is amusing and BETTER than this stuff.

It is all in pencil, so I'm erasing what I can to salvage some of the journals (I have some very nice journals!) and the rest I am pulling out and tossing. Or maybe burning, because if I burn it, it'll be gone faster.


I am so sick of this stuff. I knew it was awful at the time and it has only become more awful over the years. It must go. I will sleep easier knowing it is gone from this planet. Go, little stories, go. Fly on to a better land.


I do feel bad about this, because I was so determined to save everything, but there is no room and it is so bad that I feel it is justified. It's not like the ideas themselves are gone, and I still have all of the characters I invented. Some of them have moved into different realities or changed their personalities a bit, but they are still the same. And the stuff of it that's fanfiction is a special kind of bad, and appears to ignore several aspects of canon (though, in my younger self's defense, I wasn't aware of all those aspects at the time).

But, you know, it's so bad. I can't read them without feeling embarrassed for Young Jecca, and also if someone were to find and read these I would possibly die because they really are that horrid. At least they aren't self-inserts. (PRAISE whatever region of my brain refuses to deal with creating characters to put into preexisting / Fandom-Based Realities!)


The artwork goes next. :D

Edit:
A stellar example of how awful my writing used to be:
"It was shattered as easily as a glass dropped on a floor would be."

Even ignoring the awkwardness of that line, I WAS TALKING ABOUT A BUILDING. WHAT.

I do not like my writing now, either, but at least it is better than that. Good Lord.

Edit II:
WHY DO I HAVE THREE COPIES OF THIS ONE? They are all hand-written. One is the original (and only complete) copy, written on computer paper... The stack is very thick.

The second is, as near as I can tell, a completely unchanged in any way rewrite in a notebook - or at least the first five-or-so pages (out of, y'know, a few hundred?), anyway. I've erased that, because the notebook is blank, otherwise. The third is in a journal and ALSO completely unchanged (wtf, self?), and currently being erased.

The original can just stay where it is, but, seriously, three copies? Of the same thing? The same really awful thing that I didn't even like while writing? (OH, WOW, THAT SURE NARROWS IT DOWN, JECCA.)

Another box of old supplies and folders and papers yields more surprises, these ones less glee-inducing than the ridiculous stick figures and notes from school and the like!

In this box, I found a bunch of my old drawings/sketches, which isn't so bad except I could draw even less then than I can now, which means a lot of it's really awful. Also, some of its stuff based of things I was writing at the time, and therefore irredeemably bad solely on principle.

And, of course, a lot of old writing. AUGH AUGH BURN IT. WHAT WAS I THINKING. (To be honest, I knew it was awful at the time, but was forcing myself to write something every day and so just ended up writing it anyway.)

IT IS SO, SO AWFUL. UGH. UGH.

I have no idea what to do with any of it, either! I try not to throw out any of my old work, but this is seriously, seriously awful stuff.


There are approximately TEN THOUSAND (probably more) hand written pages of notes from video games. Bits of script, key combinations, item locations, puzzle clues, oh, God, you name it, if it's from Final Fantasy VII, VIII (especially VIII), IX, X, X-2, Chrono Cross, or Kingdom Hearts, I've got it. I honestly cannot believe the amount of stuff I have written down. THANK GOD FOR PERSONAL COMPUTERS AND INTERNET. I can just get rid of all this stuff.


At the bottom of the box, I found some slightly more recent stuff - from about 2003, I'd imagine. It's pages and pages and pages and notebooks and... everything, just everything full of notes and images and character bios and just information on a story I had planned to start writing featuring characters created by my friends and I. Just for fun, you know? Everyone seemed really into it, then all of a sudden they all weren't. It was a very abrupt change and I never quite figured out what triggered it.

But looking at this stuff just makes me sad. I remember when I was friends with people and stuff and it just ... it's upsetting, and what I really want to do is talk to something about this stuff, but there is no one online right now except my brother, who wouldn't even pretend to care, and I know my parents wouldn't care, either. I don't want to SAY it, I want someone to HEAR it. I guess I will keep it bottled up forever instead or something. BLEH.

On the more positive side, since this is the universe that Jade and Okame were originally inhabiting, there's a bunch of stuff on them. Most of it's out of date and none of it's actual writing, but there are some little doodles that I really like. And, oh, God, it was so obvious even then that they were completely together. How did I manage to not notice that for so many years?