Currents of Time

Er, if anyone's been wondering what happened to me - almost two weeks without posting? Probably a record - I occasionally go through extreme bouts of inability to be at all social. During these times, dealing and interacting with others becomes too hard for me, and I tend to fall off the face of society in every way possible, and I emotionally disconnect from most everyone around me. I do not know why this happens. I deal with it when it happens, even though that's hard. It's actually more comfortable staying like it, and it takes effort to pull myself back out of it. (I wonder if the ridiculous amount of posting I did in February was a subconscious attempt to head this off - forcing myself to socialize is the only way around it.) Someone called me on hiding this afternoon, and I'm feeling a little bit more normal, anyway, so, er, Hi. I'm here and posting again.

Mostly I have spent the last while attending my classes, doing my homework (and finding out my 2003 copy of Excel can't make the graphs required for class, that was fun), going to work, and then, in my free time, conducting some cooking experiments but, for the most part, sitting at home watching Top Gear (they've lots of episodes I've not seen here) and playing FFXI with my brother (because he's not included in the massive pool of people I ignore while in one of my phases). We camped a few notorious monsters, were murdered in a few besieged events, collected and traded in entirely too many eggs for the Easter event Egg Hunt (as a result of this, my Mog House is now in a state of CONSTANT NOISE. If by "constant" one means "every fifteen minutes." Turns out the new furnishings have sound effects), and we took Nabiki and Hisi through a few more of the Wings of the Goddess missions. Summary of events: omgwtf male mithra

Also, I saw another lawn covered in plastic flamingos ... yesterday? Madness. And my BotCon invoice came in. I'm in the blue group! Which means, if I want to get to MSTF (which I most definitely do), I will probably have to skip picking up the at-con exclusives until later on in the weekend.


A very short conversation with my mother (because my parents aren't entirely exempt from the group of people I start ignoring) a night or two ago - wherein I revealed I'd written a few more parts for "GT" (my mother read and actually liked "GT". Yeah, it surprised me, too) - saw her voicing the same conclusion that I'd reached earlier. I probably ought to drop the Offshoots. My inner thirteen year old protests this vehemently, as she appears to enjoy writing the things. Could I get a few opinions on this? It's still weird to me to think I've written things featuring real people, and we all know I can't be trusted to give myself sound writing advice. Other people seem to like them, and if I look at ... everything I've written and finished in the last year (I started writing/plotting out "GT" in March of last year. That is odd to think about) has been at the request, or at least encouragement, of other people.

Not real good at writing for myself, but then I'm content with playing things out in my head, so that's not much of a surprise is it?


... I'm not feeling verbose enough to bother typing this out more than I have and I don't want to exceed my current self-imposed word-limit for the month. I write for people because I don't feel the need to write for myself! SHOULD WE TRY A POLL?

[Poll #1156599]


My answers are lame because I am only filling this out so it stops prompting me to. Shut up, little boxes.

And if anyone has anything they want to see, I will take pretty much any request. Ask ineptmagicuser (and I should probably forbid her to answer this post but I am not, because I apparently don't value my sanity in the least). She's got me writing something that might be romance if you squint at it hard enough. Seriously. What is that, Aniko.


Edit:
Er, comment insanity happened. You can ignore it. Or join in. Whichever.

FOR THE LOVE OF YOUR DEITY HERE. NO.

I DO NOT NEED TO WRITE ANOTHER SILENT HILL CROSSOVER, AND IT MOST CERTAINLY DOESN'T NEED TO BE A DIRECT SEQUEL TO THE FIRST ONE. (NO ONE EVEN READ THAT. YOU'D THINK THIS WOULD DISCOURAGE ME.)



... MIRAGE, I SWEAR, IF YOU DON'T STOP SMIRKING AT ME SO SMUGLY, YOU'RE NEXT. YOU'LL GET STUCK IN THE HELLTOWN WITH SOMEONE NAMED JEREMIAH AND YOU'LL BE CHASED BY DEMON CAT-CARS OR SOMETHING. EVEN THOUGH THAT MAKES NO SENSE BECAUSE WHY WOULD YOU BE ANGSTY ABOUT A CLOSE CALL WHEN YOU HAVE A MILLION AND TWO OTHER MORE REASONABLE THINGS TO ANGST ABOUT. SHUT UP AND GET IN THE BOX WITH ALL THE OTHER ALTERNATORS.

please dont it would be so lonely if you were all packed up

mirage why is there a spiderweb on you the spiders should all be dead or asleep or something by now and that wasnt there yesterday



There are Hanukkah songs stuck in my head. This would almost make sense if not for two very minor details:
- Hanukkah is over.
- I am not Jewish.


I have no sanity.

I was just tackled by Rapid Onset Writer's Block. I don't know why.

Obviously, the thing to do is post to LJ.

( Fandom talk, by which I mean complaining. )

I am updating all the time again already. I do not mean to spam, but I did come to the realization while typing this entry up that I'm avoiding Things. I thought the trip to California might help, but it seems to have made things worse. I'm worn out. I'm tired of fighting.

At least I've finally figured out there is another problem, even if I'm not entirely confident I know what it is yet. At least I'm not just running this time.


Also, despite my computer checking out clean, the Final Fantasy XI hacking has me so frightened. I read a few stories of people who've had their accounts taken from this before I freaked and started boycotting all FFXI-related sites, and it is extremely distressing to me to think of my characters being taken over and used to farm gil and harass other players. I probably shouldn't be so emotionally invested in these digital characters, but Hisi, at least, as been a constant for a little over four years now and I can't stand the thought of losing her here and like that. (Though, really, I'd never lose her, I'd just lose the account.) I don't think that I could take it, and I'm going to go knock on wood until my knuckles bleed now.

I just want things to be okay. I don't understand why that's so hard. And now I'm whining like some eight year old. Good grief.