Currents of Time

aaargh lj. At least I've finally managed to log back in, even if I still can barely get anything else to load. Add me to the (probable) army of folks crying for them to fix it, already! (I wonder if I'll even be able to upload this entry, haha.)

It is still stupid hot here, so I have spent most of my free time continuing to avoid doing much of anything. At work, I am still frequently donning a parka before venturing into the vast and terrible wasteland that is the walk-in freezer. Ooh! But, also at work, I have been getting opportunities to decorate cakes! And it is a lot of fun. I am super proud of some of them. (One person even ordered one "exactly like [one I'd decorated] but gold cake instead of chocolate" because she has problems with chocolate. That was awesome.)

I have been having more weird dreams lately, but one was especially of note! I dreamt I was on a little boat with my brother and some friends and we were just puttering around through bits of a town that had been flooded over by the lake. One of them decided to hop out of the boat, but he didn't stop the motor, first (the boat was not moving fast at all), and then the propeller hit him and he started bleeding everywhere and we had to go back and take him to the emergency room for stitches. Aaand then the day after that, I was at work and one of my coworkers came in and she had a bandage on her foot, so I asked her, what happened? And she had gone out boating the day before with a friend and their family and they'd stopped to get out and swim a bit, and then when she went to get back in the boat she hit the propeller and split the top of her foot open and needed to go to the emergency room and get stitches. That was a bit odd.

(Have I ever told the story of the time I needed stitches? Man, that was a hell of a day...)

And on Tuesday, Final Fantasy was following me everywhere. (Well, for the first half of the day it was, anyway. It stopped when I went to work.)

I woke up to find myself staring down the Masamune. (Man, the sentences you never think you'll end up writing.) See, because, I have several of the Play Arts figures, and I've been rearranging my DVD and game shelves, so some of them are just hanging around while I figure out where to put them again. Most of them are perched on top of the video games. Sephiroth, however, kept falling (jumping?) off. I got sick of picking him up, so I moved him to the bookshelf. Aaand sometime in the night, he decided he didn't like that, either, and jumped from there, as well! And because it's been so damned hot out, I've removed my blanket and it's been sitting piled near the head of my bed / next to the bookshelf… And I guess dear ol' Sephy fell at an angle …sssssomehow(??) and landed on the blanket about a foot off from where he'd been and directly in front of me. So, yeah. Masamune in the face. Good morning!

(What a jerk. I knew I should never have let him in here, even if I did decree him a non-Genocidal Lunatic edition prior to opening the box. Not, of course, that deciding as much would make him not be a jerk, I mean.)

And you'd think that'd be the end of the Random Final Fantasy Encounters for the day, except then I went to meet with my therapist and, as I was checking in, I heard the victory fanfare, because someone in the waiting room (who'd decided to ignore the "please turn off your phones" signs) had it as his ringtone.


But then to make up for Tuesday being full of FF silliness and fun cake decorating, yesterday was some kind of hell. I ended up being 42 minutes late leaving work, and that is about all I am going to say about that!

Had a low day.

And yet, it was strangely devoid of me thinking everyone I've ever been within fifty meters of hates me and thinks I'm an idiot and only tolerates my presence so they can laugh at me as soon as I'm out of earshot.


what is this even



(I also spent, what, four whole days being social without once having to go off into a corner and collapse into a black hole of anxiety and self-loathing and exhaustion or turn into an angry, snarling beast. I guess I should be assuming that, even if the pills, themselves, are not directly working, I am experiencing a pretty decent placebo effect.)



To make this entry halfway interesting, Thursday afternoon, right as I had to leave to start walking to work, the clouds suddenly opened up and started pouring. The rain came down so hard and so fast that, within seconds, there was quite literally a solid inch of water raging along all of the streets and sidewalks. KIND OF TERRIFYING. Ten minutes later, there was one final clap of thunder aaand... nothing. Not to be horridly cliché, but it was exactly as if someone had suddenly turned the faucet back to "off"...

And then my shoes were wet and squeaky all afternoon! At least I didn't have to run around in the freezer.

It has been stupidly hot out. Hot, humid, and miserable.

( And then there's the actual stuff in it! )

Hopefully tomorrow is a little less ridiculously hot! The plan is to go bouldering. Hopefully I do not die.


NOW IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME I MEAN TO MAIL THIS TOMORROW AND MUST HURRY TO FINISH IT.


OH AND ALSO for no reason I can determine, my brain is a day ahead! I spent all Monday thinking it was Tuesday, all Tuesday thinking it was Wednesday, and all of today thinking it was Thursday. What? Brain, why? I mean - I have Thursday off. And I know that. And I worked today! And yet I still thought it was Thursday all day.

Despite delirious concerns setting in that I was going to die a swift and terrible death by forced dehydration (at 4 in the morning when I finally accepted I was going to be spending the next eight hours as I'd spent the previous eight hours - which is to say, running for the bathroom while wondering how the hell there was still anything left to purge and then crawling back into bed and curling into a ball of misery. My record "no incidents" time was forty minutes!) (I was desperately thirsty, so I had a few sips of water, and it just came right back up), I pulled through and even went back to work today! I had yesterday off, thank god, because missing two days (AND HALF MY WEEKLY HOURS) was more than bad enough. I wasn't really that bad yesterday, but I was still weak and it would have been too easy to overdo it and make myself sick again.

A few hours (maybe) after I was suddenly vomiting everywhere, my mother actually got the exact same thing. And today at work, turns out a fair number of employees had been needing to go home because they suddenly throwing up everywhere. Also sounded like a bunch of people (not necessarily fellow employees) were hitting the clinics all weekend for the same thing.

Come ON, bodies, a little warning! (HERE ARE THE SYMPTOMS: you might be cold all day. This one is hard to tell, as it is the time of year here where you are just... always cold. I know I was freezing once it actually set in, but I can't remember if I was abnormally cold or just regularly cold before that. You eat something and your stomach starts to gurgle like it's a little unhappy, but it doesn't feel like anything major. Maybe you just ate too fast, or drank too much water! Or something else small that would normally not matter! AND THEN YOU THROW UP. A LOT. VIOLENTLY. And then you're fine for a while and think you're better but then have a surprise relapse the next day, but then you really do get better.) Seriously, don't get this. IT SUCKS. (Of course, everyone I know who's had it has also been inside the store I work at, so, uh. Alternately, just stay out of my store.) ...Ooh, maybe that doom disease counted as my one sickness of the year and now I don't need to worry about being sick again for another twelve months or so.


ANYWAY HI I survived. It's February now. God, I hate February. It's gross and slushy and grey and the sun never shines and it's cold and despite being the shortest month of the year, it is somehow the one that goes by the slowest.

Is LJ being incredibly flaky these days, or is it my computer hating me in peculiar ways again? I can never tell.

We finally have snow! I am pleased. It isn't much (it's probably more back at my parent's house, as it's generally colder and they live at a higher elevation than I do here), but, you know, December in New England (or at least my corner of it) with no snow is just wrong. We used to have snow at Halloween! What is going ooon? This is not to be misinterpreted as me liking winter or snow in particular, just that I dislike it when the weather is all stupidly weird. (Really, walking to work has been a lot less fun since the snow and ice started.)


I can't come up with a third paragraph that I don't get inexplicably discouraged with halfway through (something about trips to the post office to mail things or the laziness-induced lack thereof, baking a million cookies with my mother next week, and an offer-slash-inquiry), so this sentence will have to suffice, instead.


Things have been a bit odd lately! I am slowly being assimilated into the internet, or something, is the current standing theory, because all evidence points to me ceasing to exist in the physical world. I don't mean for this to sound emo, by the way, the wording is just what it is. Everyone is ignoring me! It is surreal. I go into a shop and stand at the counter and cannot get the attention of the employees. I walk down the street (or just stand somewhere) and people walk right into me. I call out to people I know (using their name, even) and they do not appear to hear me! I cannot get phone calls returned to save my life. They somehow managed to cut my hours at work. Even my roommate (when she is around, which is an event infrequent to the point of hilarity these days) has started tuning me out.

It is mildly alarming.




I HAD TO TURN IN 65 BHEFHEL MARLINS BEFORE THAT USELESS GALKA GAVE ME ANOTHER PIRATE'S CHART MAY THE EMPTINESS OF PROMYVION CLAIM HIS SORRY EXISTENCE.

(For the record, your odds of getting the chart are supposed to be around 1/20. Of course, those are also supposedly the odds for the dagger, and that's clearly not happened. My brother and I have the worst luck ever, evidently.

... And this is ignoring your chances of catching the blasted things and not being run off the boat by a Sea Horror oh god why in the first place.)

Cloudy day, was raining earlier. We load the boat, drop into the lake, and head off.

( What happened next... )

Unload boat and run away! So then we went off to pick up some samples instead. Because death didn't sound like fun.

Today I went blueberry picking!




....... in the middle of a thunderstorm.

...ha. Um.


Funny coincidence-thing: it started storming right as we arrived, just opened up and poured. I'm so sick of the rain. I'm so sick of the thunder. We only had an hour before I had to leave for work, and, honestly, was twenty minutes too much to ask for? Was it really too much for it to NOT POUR for twenty minutes?? Please? ... Pretty please?

Of course, I was saying this out loud in the middle of the blueberry bushes. (My mother had run for shelter.)

... but then the rain lightened up and it only lightly drizzled for the next - yes - twenty minutes. Exactly twenty minutes.

Then there was a massive crack of thunder and we left.


So what we learned today is that I CAN CONTROL THE WEATHER!

I no longer remember a time before the thunderstorms.


I'm not sure I've mentioned this, but I've changed my tag settings so anyone can add preexisting tags, and anyone on my friends list can create and add or remove preexisting tags. Just in case you feel like mucking up my tagging system. I only ask that you leave the completed stories entries alone.


And I'm banning myself from posting until this latest installment in my appallingly stupid emo-depressiveness has passed because all I do is embarrass myself, and, seriously, who wants to read about Jecca whining about her abandonment issues and lack of faith in humanity, and how she feels ignored, and how awful and worthless a person she is?

See, I can't even write that without wanting to maim myself. I can't imagine how awful it is for those of you who are normal, functioning beings who do not inflict your woe and drama upon the rest of us. And I'm fully aware of how wrong that mindset is, because I know I have friends, even if they're long-distance, and I know there are at least a few people who care about me, but I cannot seem to shut up the malfunctioning glitch that is my brain.

... and, okay, I'm hoping that putting that out there will help me snap back out of it.

So, uh. If I disappear for the next week or more, that's why. I'm not sure anyone would notice, but, you know, whatever.


DAYS LIKE THESE ARE WHY I AM GOING INTO THERAPY. AGAIN.

Someone has made a Beast Wars mood theme. It is the most awesome mood theme ever. Possibly will even, what is this, comment! When I am coherent. ...Happy is like the most hilarious thing ever, I love Silverbolt's expression there. Actually, I think all the Waspinator ones for the depressed/similar ones win. ...I would take this opportunity to encourage everyone who has not watched Beast Wars to do so, but I imagine I have said everything to be said about it at this point, and you all who have not are probably quite sick of hearing about it! watch it! ...please? I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT

(I DON'T LIKE MONKEYS OR SPIDERS AND I LOVE THIS SHOW, OKAY, THAT IS HOW AWESOME IT IS.)


It has been disgustingly hot this weekend. 90+ with humidity. HHH - Hot Humid Hazy. And not been getting cool at night.


ALSO THAT STUPID SPIDER LIVING IN MY WINDOW FRAME IS STILL MOCKING ME AND NOT BEING DEAD EVEN WHEN I HIT IT WITH THINGS. UGH. UGH! NOT COOL.


... Have not watched more Supernatural. Am hoping box comes tomorrow. Boooox. DVDDDDDs.



I was trying to have a conversation with my brother after eating and just ugh I cannot think. It is so miserably hot. I hate this weather. OH GOD. IT'S ONLY EARLY JUNE.

WHAT THE HELL (EMPHASIS ON HELL HI I AM NOT CLEVER IT IS TOO HOT TO BE CLEVER) IS JULY GOING TO BE LIKE?


Attn: Jak and Daxter / Jak II / Jak 3 I DO NOT WANT TO REPLAY YOU LEAVE ME ALONE. ... actually scratch II, I really don't want to replay that one, it's not related. (Well, neither is the third. BUT I LIKE THE THIRD ONE POSSIBLY BEST.) Mostly the beginning of the first and all of the third or something, maybe kicking FINAL BOSS OF THE SECOND GAME's face in on the way across.

I want to go to sleeeep it is too hot to sleeeeeep oh god i wish we had air conditioning or something anything help


Also. Saw distressingly adorable Porsche while en route to work. Think was 912? CUTE. SO CUTE. Do not understand people who call Porsches hot/sexy/synonym. They are only cute. Massively adorable. Hearts.

... possibly melted ones.

Because I am, perhaps, slightly afflicted with OCD (slightly?), I spent twenty minutes after I got off work scraping all of the ice off the car. It's been icing all day. I hadn't been at work too long, but my father hadn't completely deiced it after leaving work (he only cleared the front window), so there was at least half an inch of ice completely encasing the car. I've never in my life been so glad to be driving the standard. It's small. I could get all the ice off. (I do this with snow, too, and hate it when I'm stuck with the van, because it's very hard to get to the middle of the roof.)

The stuff under the cut is not related to any of the above, and is mostly me rambling to myself. If you want to maintain any sort of delusion that I am at all sane, do not click it.


CONTENT DESTROYED FOR YOUR HEALTH


I can't hear this song without thinking of the ending of Life on Mars and being inappropriately gleeful. Oh, Sam.


...In case you'd not noticed, I have a strange obsession with adding text both before and after a cut. I can't stand it otherwise. I try on occasion - I may even have succeeded in not including pointless lines (such as this!) once or twice (and those are always entries where I'm in a strange, and usually unhappy, place, mentally). But mostly it turns up, anyway. Curse you, ability to edit entries!