jecca_mehlota | Entries tagged with jecca is lame

This is a pretty random entry. Some real life stuff, some fandom stuff, some musings on things, and a couple random facts about myself that I'm not necessarily ashamed of but am kind of embarrassed to admit. Possibly not in that order.

OH BUT FIRST: thanks to everyone who commented on my clothing crisis entry! Your opinions really helped. :D

( Okay, go! )

la la la it is almost 3 am way past time to go to bed

... wait, did I create this "cartoons forever" tag or is someone messing with me? I am legitimately not sure. (The perils of allowing outside tag creation, haha.)

Mood thoughtful
Location trapped in my own head!
Music Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall - Coldplay
Crossposts: http://twilit-wanderer.livejournal.com/263009.html

Tags:

This is the most ridiculous thing.

Okay.

So.

This person I know - I don't even know if it's a conscious action on their part! - they keep copying me in a specific manner. I cannot say what, because that would make it painfully obvious who I mean. It's not something particularly important, and it's not anything anyone else would probably even notice. (It isn't just in my head, though, I promise.)

But it's driving me batty.

Like, when I see it's happened again, I actually get kind of angry. That used to confuse me, but in a (semi) recent conversation with my mother, she proposed it might be because I'm still trying to find my own identity, and people were always doing the exact opposite of me all through school, and so someone doing what I'm doing for [x] reason or whatever really throws me off. I don't know too much about the second one, but I can see the first one, or something similar being the cause of it. That doesn't stop it for annoying me, though.

But because it is such a stupid little thing, and because I have no proof that it's a conscious action, and because even if it was, it's hardly harmful, I can't really ask the individual in question to CUT IT OUT without looking like a complete lunatic.

BUT AAAARGH.

... I am aware this entry is vague and stupid, but I really had to say I AM FRUSTRATED without someone else going "over that? WTF is your problem" which is pretty much what everyone's response has been. SORRY, IT BOTHERS ME. I REALLY WISH IT DIDN'T, BUT APPARENTLY IT DOES.

Mood irritated
Location East Ronfaure [S]
Music Brand New Colony - The Postal Service

Tags:

I was reading a fic last night! Transformers, picked it up browsing one of those rec-communities, or maybe

tfiwts, I don't remember (doesn't matter), anyway. Someone gets a car, weird things happen, DECEPTICON CAR CHASE OH NO THE CAR ISN'T RESPONDING NOW WHAT oh it's a robot and - I sit back and go, oh my god I know I've never read this but I can't prove it and what if someone accuses me of copying it?! It's just a weird fluke, I swear!. These things happen sometimes! THERE ARE ONLY SO MANY WAYS THESE SCENES CAN PLAY OUT, ANYWAY! But it was published a almost a full month before mine! And I don't think I ever posted any of that scene prior to the finished story because I was always stressed about it! AAAUGH!

A few hours later, I remember - "GT" went up in 2007, not 2008. durrr....

Still, that was a fun, what, fifteen minutes I got to spend in a state of panic, wondering how I'd defend myself should the subject ever come up. MY BRAIN. ~__~ (The fact that the first movie also goes similarly has, for some reason, never made me freak out.)

In other news, I'm going to try to make beef stew tonight.

Mood sore
Location staying indoors, I guess
Music Far Away - Nickelback

Tags:

I was thinking about writing and characters and fanfiction versus original fiction and all that sort of stuff this evening while waiting for the dishes to dry so I could cook dinner! And. I was going to go into some wordy back story here, but really it was only ever one person, wasn't it? I don't know. I know other people's original characters/universes are generally not that exciting! TOO BAD I'M TALKING ABOUT IT ANYWAY. Anyway. One or two people have, on occasion, asked something about Okame-verse (which still needs a better name) and the timeline and overall storyline and I... generally don't have an answer for it! And I (finally?) put the why behind that into words. A lot of the time when you've got characters that you write about, you write, you know, a story. And, the thing is, with those two, there isn't really one. There's no big, overreaching ... thing. I mean, when I write about them, it's just an incident in their lives. That's all.

I do have a universe or two with, you know, actual plots (I've pretty much never posted about them, though), but this isn't one of them.

And sometimes I feel kind of bad, or weird about that? I dunno. Like, how does Okame freaking out this time relate to wherever you're eventually going with this? And I'm not eventually going anywhere with any of it. I mean, yeah, sure, depending on when in their lives I write them, they act different, or stuff has changed, but they're (probably) never going to do anything special or, uh. Interesting, even, haha. I just like them. Even if they won't ever solve the world crisis of doom or save the whales or anything.

I was going to make an allcaps-y sentence about how they're both weird and dysfunctional and totally not girlfriends shut up Jade will kill you, but I feel like I've been seeing a lot of internet drama lately and don't want anyone to jump on me for accusing [x] group of people of being completely mad. Or socially inept. Or dysfunctional. Or ... whatever. So, uh, I guess I won't.

Good sign you've been spending too much time pounding away at a word doc (EVEN IF YOU AREN'T GETTING ANYWHERE ARGH RAGE): you keep reflexively hitting ctrl-s every paragraph or so. I've attempted to save the update page five or six times now. Good job, self!

( And now boring real life whining )

For your daily dose of is she really still talking about that?, San d'Oria took Sarutabaruta in conquest this week, which is pretty awesome! We've claimed Gustaberg quite a few times, but we've only rarely taken Saru[tab] and, to my unending frustration, those times have always been during weeks I haven't logged on for whatever reason. (Oh, yes, this is FFXI-talk now, if you didn't know what any of this was about.) BUT THIS WEEK - haha! So now I've run supplies to the outpost by Windurst and so now I have finally done the supplies quest for every outpost (on Hisime, and that I have access to, anyway. No Sky yet, but that's the only one, now). I took Aya and Ki out, too, since, you know, Windurst? FAR AWAY. And Ki can't airship it, so, uh, yeah. Long trip for her no matter how you go about it. (EXCEPT NOT ANYMORE i love op warp)

Also, it's been over a year and a half since my brother started trying for the m.kris and all it's got him so far is a couple hundred thousand gil down the drain. He's considering giving up and, since that would mean he can't go anywhere (or going to gt a Joyeuse, which he doesn't have time for), quitting. So right now he's trying to come up with a way to make 3.5 million, because the thought of fishing for more marlin (only for, again, absolutely none of them to give a chart, and even if they did, for the fight to them only give us another fuscina or piece of oxblood and a dwarf pugil) is too unbearable. Dear SE: it would not kill you to be just a little nicer to your playerbase on occasion!

To end on a random note, here's an amusing article on why the US Life on Mars was STUPID. Or at least not as good as the original. Reading that has had the perhaps unfortunate side effect of making me want to rewatch the original again.

Mood depressed, hooray
Location My neck just popped. Now I can turn my head again!
Music Save the Day - Train

Tags:

HI SORRY I NEED TO MAKE A REQUEST OR SOMETHING and then go to bed, man, how is it almost 3 am why have the last couple days been an incoherent blurr ONE 'R' JECCA. ONLY ONE 'R'. Don't hurt yourself.

nnnrrrg how to word this. Um. When I sit down to write stuff, sometimes I can just write it or work it out on my own, but sometimes I need someone I can bounce ideas off of (and which area things fall into seems to be more reliant on my mental state at the time than having anything to do with what I'm writing about). And the people I normally resort to in these situations are not available for a variety of reasons. So, I guess I am kind of hoping someone will let me annoy them for a while?

I know some of you don't have / use instant messaging stuff so, uh, you can just ignore this entry I guess (needs to be real-time. Voice conversation - phone or skype - works, but I have to record it so I don't immediately forget everything), and I know I live in a different timezone thannnn at least half of you? (I can be awake at pretty much any hour, though, so unless I have work... And okay I plan on going to bed pretty much as soon as I hit post, here, but beyond that.)

But it is relatively simple? I plot-dump all over the place (if you've ever wanted to witness my brain in action, this is pretty much the best way to do it) and backtrack and rewrite ideas mostly on my own, but sometimes I need to ask for input. (Like: I think that might be too ridiculous. Is that too ridiculous?' And someone needs to tell me yes, it really is, or else I could actually go through with it.) I've got a couple specifications (the things I need to BRAIN at people about are all various fanfiction-related stuffs this time, so I'm pretty sure everyone fits into at least one of them, and another one is really easy to match) (and uh obviously you might be spoiled to the moon and back for whatever I eventually end up writing), but we can worry about that after we determine if anyone is actually interested in dealing with me spamming walls of text at them for potentially obscene amounts of time.

Mood thirsty
Location somewhere, anyway
Music Light My Fire - The Doors

Tags:

And with that revelation, the last week is put into perspective and all makes sense again. It will never cease to amaze me the way SAD (seasonal affective disorder) manages to sneak up on every year. I know it’s coming. It always comes. But it always takes me by surprise. Ugh. Hate body. WINTER GO AWAY.

Been plotting (for example, I've completely scrapped a 12 page section I had written, but I like the new idea a lot more, so I can't be bothered to care too much about it. I saved the old stuff in a new document and filed it away), but not actually writing. What I want to do is write a shorter, simple piece before launching myself back into one of the many ridiculously long (or at least detailed) stories I've got going, but I'm hung up on the stuff I've already started. I try not to do this too much, but anyone want to see anything from FFXI (since my "ffxi" tag is too generic. Or just check here for lunacy), Jade/Okame-verse (I... really need to come up with a name for stories involving either or both of them), or maybe "GT" (so, original characters, more original characters, or mutilation of reality)? I'll take prompts relating to those things, because I'm reasonably confident I can hammer something out without putting myself through my brain's nitpicking (those all have an automatic filter in place, or something).

I had something to say earlier, or maybe it was yesterday, but I don't remember what anymore. Just tired... (On the positive side, I have to be at work earlier than usual tomorrow, which will hopefully be enough motivation for me to get out of bed before, say, noon.)

Mood blah
Location I'll have spent only 10 hours awake today...
Music Satisfy - Vedera

Tags:

FIRST: barring a terrible crisis of some sort, I am going to Floridaaaa/Disney World/EPCOT AREA ANYWAY AHAHA this summer. PARTY! \o/

ANYWAY.

Wow, um. Got tagged for this a… very long time ago, wrote everything up in a word doc, and then forgot about it entirely. …Here it is now? (I am pretty sure it is finished, anyway...)

The Rules:

* Reply to this meme by yelling "Words!".
* I will then give you five words that remind me of you.
* Then post them in your LJ and explain what they mean to you.

Words from

nano_moose:

( Transformers )
( Dolphins )
( Games )
( Character )
( Sun )

No, seriously, though, I was given these words back in September. Poor filing? I HAVE NO EXCUSE.

Mood bouncy
Location PINNED UNDER DOG this is becomming a trend...
Music dog snores

Tags:

I was rummaging through a storage box - looking for the proper place to put something away. I found it! Anyway, while I was in there, I decided to dig out my extra hair-ties, and while I was there I decided to play the nostalgia game or something and pulled out my convention photo albums, and, anyway, it turns out, thanks to

mysticeden having a camera and then sending me copies of what she took, I actually do have pictures from after the modifications we made! Yay! I am very pleased.

I did comparisons of the before and after pics and, okay, it's kind of subtle, but it definitely looks better. Looked? Well, it still looks the same, but I haven't worn it since AB '06. Still, photos! I was so sure I didn't have any! Instead, there is, indeed, eternal evidence of the fact that I am, in fact, a complete loser by some standards. (Not that this is anything new. I like to pick on myself, and most of the time it is harmless, and if you haven't caught on to the fact that I mock or complain about everything I like incessantly, then, well, for one you've never read my interests section, and for two, you've never actually read any other entries or spoken to me, either, have you?) EXCELLENT.

It is ~~Summerfe~~ IT HASN'T BEEN CALLED THAT SINCE THE ONE TIME IN 2004, SELF the Sunbreeze Festival in Vana'diel. I really need to log in and check it out before that ends. Squeenix, look what you've done. Half of your player base is too afraid of you to log in.

Bit disheartened at the moment. Been trying to both reconnect with older friends and also make new ones, and I'm failing pretty amazingly on both counts. I never really learned the art of "how to make new friends" (pretty much every friend I've ever had, I've had because they approached me, or someone else introduced us) and everyone I've reconnected with doesn't seem to want much of anything to do with me (judging by actions and not words, here). Right now I really want to just talk to someone (voice, not text, I mean, I talk with my brother and usually one other random person almost daily), but am feeling too bummed about my success rate at the moment to try anything. (It took me seven rounds of picking up the phone and putting it back down after listening to the tone for a few seconds before I figured this out. Who would I dial, anyway? I've exhausted my very short list of phone numbers.) Maybe tomorrow.

I went through my old memory cards and deleted a bunch of old files (I think at least half of them were doubles on the memory card I brought with me to Maine, because the times on some of the files were too close). I cleared up over a full memory card's worth of space! So now I have plenty of room to play through more games! I'm going to get back to / probably just restart Xenogears (rented it ages ago, obviously didn't have time to beat it in the, you know, five day rental period, store closed, finally found a copy selling new-as-used when the game shops phased out Playstation games, never got around to picking it up again), and continuing working my way through FFVI again. Let's see if I can handle game multi-tasking.

Mood surprised
Location hiding
Music London Calling - The Clash

Tags:

... I AM BACK FROM IGNORING THE ENTIRE WORLD NOW. (No one: *noticed*)

So my parents bought themselves a Wii. The system completely cheats at baseball. It came with Wii Sports. The next thing on my mother's list (she... she has a list! I do not know if I am proud or trying not to giggle helplessly) is Wii Fit. NO ONE IS SURPRISED.

I know this because I was abducted and forced to spend the night back at home last night. Without clean clothing or a hairbrush or toothbrush or anything! Though I also borrowed most everything I needed. (It really wasn't planned. Mom wanted to go run a few errands with me, then we had to swing by the house so I could grab one of my old textbooks, then we decided to go through some of the stuff I left at home, then she had to take care of the dog, then my father came home, then it was time for dinner, then they wanted to show off their Wii, then it was 10 o'clock at night...) (Then today was apparently TAKE YOUR CHILD TO WORK!! day, so, even though I am much older than the target age range, I went in to annoy my father.)

While I was home, I HAD SOMETHING LIKE ...EIGHT? INCHES CUT OFF MY HAIR. It no longer comes down to my waist. Just the base of my shoulder blades. It... it is very strange. I haven't had hair this short in... possibly ten years. I nearly killed myself with the brush this morning when I mistakenly attacked my spine instead of the tangle that was supposed to be there. It is very strange. I have been complaining about my hair for a while, because it takes so freakishly long to dry and to comb out and whatall. I am not sure anyone ever expected me to actually get it cut, at this stage. We might have taken it shorter, but this length is enough of a shock as it is, and also my hair is ridiculously poofy when left to its own devices, and any shorter and I begin to risk not being able to pull it all back.

... IT'S REALLY SHORT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS. WHERE HAS MY HAIR GONE.

I am about three steps away from declaring myself on hiatus from FFXI, but I know as soon as I do that, I'll be struck by the urge to log in and get stuck à la .hack//SIGN or something. Possibly just this statement will have that affect.

Someone was lame enough to steal our recycling bin. I am irrationally angry about this. Mostly because I have no vehicle and the closest place to go get another one is... uh. A ways away. GREAT EXERCISE, ANYWAY. I shouldn't have assumed ours would get brought in when I went running off with my mother. ARGH. (I shouldn't have assumed that one of the neighbors wouldn't suddenly need another one, either, apparently.) I AM SO ANNOYED. A RECYCLING BIN. HOW LAME YOU CAN GET? THEY'RE FREE. CAN'T YOU JUST GO GET ANOTHER ONE. I know all of you either have a car or know someone with one! I have seen you all use one! I have endured whichever one of you (what, I don't know their names) it is that thinks sitting in the driveway and honking ceaselessly is a good way to win friends! I DO NOT HAVE A CAR OR READY ACCESS TO ONE. YOU ARE ALL SUCH JERKS. I will stop e-yelling at the people who don't even know I exist now.

LOOK AT THIS! I completely don't have the money for it (how pathetic is that? I COULD COME OFF ACADEMIC LEAVE IF I COULD JUST GET A SECOND INTERNSHIP, OR IF YOU LOSERS AT THE FIRST ONE HAD, YOU KNOW, NOT DECIDED TO KICK ME OUT FOR NO KNOWN REASON AND YES I AM STILL ANNOYED ABOUT THAT HOW COULD YOU TELL), but they are giving us DVDs! (Now all they need to do is NOT EDIT THE EPISODES DOWN, RIGHT? Why is this so hard?) ... ... and also I may or may not have told my mother she should buy it and she may or may not have agreed. uh. yay.

IF YOU DO NOT LIKE TO READ ABOUT BLOOD PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS NEXT PART.

( Because I am talking about blood. )

OKAY YOU CAN LOOK AGAIN I AM DONE TALKING ABOUT BLOOD.

And am about to throw another chunk of cut text at you. Because more to prove I really have written this and am just too freakishly shy to post it where I am supposed to... It's too long. I will probably try to cut it down first. JUST, YOU KNOW. I SWEAR I HAVE THIS WRITTEN I AM JUST... ANGSTING ABOUT POSTING IT OR SOMETHING.

( THIS IS ABOUT THAT DANCE CLASS I TOOK LAST SEMESTER. YEAH. REMEMBER THAT? )

And then someday I will actually, you know. Work up my courage and actually PUT IT IN THE COMMUNITY. OR SOMETHING. GEEZ. I've never made a community post and it intimidates me some. That is all. ...

..... yaaaay?

Mood cold
Location right here
Music Disturbia - Rihanna

Tags:

"We feel there is nothing more we can teach you at this time."

So, you know, I didn't go and get someone killed or anything drastic like that. (Also I would disagree, but what do I know? ... EVERYTHING, OBVIOUSLY.) (And, from the very little my instructor was told, that isn't what they were saying earlier! Which is it, guys.)

Still, it would have been really nice to have found this out from them instead of hearing it the way I did and having to play phone-tag all morning until someone was nice enough to go physically track down the woman in charge. (Thank you, nice person.)

(Then again, I guess I at least got that. I'd have been mortified - and probably angry beyond words - if I'd actually gone up there today only to be told to go home, we don't want you. Thank you, instructor, at least, for thinking that this might be a good thing to make sure I knew.)

I did at least calm down and come to my senses faster than usual yesterday. I imagine the therapy was a large factor in this. Could sort of feel my brain trying to run through what I was taught between the fits of freaking out. (Hey, look at me. I even played phone-tag all morning to get some answers and refrained from freaking out again during the process. Yaaay.)

Still dunno what now, though. Instructor said he'd sent my academic adviser a question about our next move, and he wants to just let me pass, but obviously neither of us can do anything about it until we hear back from her.

Mood disappointed
Location going back to bed or something
Music Is It Any Wonder? - Keane

Tags:

For reasons completely unknown to me, the people in charge of my internship decided to contact my instructor and tell him, no, it's not working, we don't want her here anymore. Not tell me at all, just tell him. They told him they were going to contact me, but I just got a message from him asking me to call because he wanted to ask me about that and, no, I hadn't heard a word, and by the way they made this decision last Thursday. I was there last Thursday!

So apparently I suck unbelievably at the thing I'm supposed to be graduating for in month's time, though I don't know how or what I was doing wrong. I thought it was going well...

They could have at least told me instead of waiting until I turned up tomorrow morning. Or told me what I was doing wrong or ANYTHING other than just waiting!

I'm trying really hard not to think of this as me having personally failed because I know - I know - that isn't necessarily the case and god, we spent how much money trying to fix me of this? But it's really hard not to right now. Maybe I did mess something up horribly, I don't know!

Oh, and I'm still eighty hours short of my required field experience time.

God, I just... fuck.

Also, you know, completely unrelated but also full of fail and woe, Douglas is still a shithead, if we're going to use Jon Stewart's words for it. Stupid me had kind of hoped Iowa's decision might've made him pause and use his brain for half a minute, but I guess not.

Mood indescribable
Location going to cry in the corner now, like a stupid twit
Music La Lune - Sarah Brightman

Tags:

Currents of Time

breathe and dive

Jecca does what?

AND WHAT ABOUT IT

Paranoiaaaaa.

This isn't the subject line I originally had.

A "reasonable bedtime" doesn't exist for me, apparently.

Ah. SAD.

Well, at least I found it before the year rolled over?

Jecca gets excited over weird things.

They even use it, which is perhaps the real surprise, here.

Verdict

Faily faily faily fail fail

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