Currents of Time

I have only met one directly, but you know those people who faint dead away at the sight of blood? Even just a little bit, like from a minor nosebleed? I have always wondered how they go through life. I mean... what do you do if you have the nosebleed, and seeing blood makes you pass out? These are the things I wonder about when I stand at the sink with a washcloth smashed against my face.

TODAY'S MEME ANSWER IS TERRIBLE AND DEPRESSING, by the way.

30 Days of Video Games

( Day 09 - Saddest game scene )

I was clicking around the internet this morning trying to find if there's a set of official lyrics for "Answers" (that song I was rambling about in yesterday's entry) out there yet (it seems not, still) and ended up in a forum thread where someone linked to this trailer video and, DAMN IT, SE, I want to play that game! Where are you hiding it? :<

I mean, I presume the storyline will get there eventually, but, man... (What really bugs me is that I CAN JUST SEE THE EDGES of a really, really interesting and great story buried in there somewhere, but it comes soooo slowly and just, there is so much wrong with that game still.)

WHATEVER, I STILL HAVE VANA'DIEL. (VERSION UPDATE IN MAY WHOOOO finally getting the server merges out of the way and reopening the worlds, geez.)

... haha, not-so-funny story about the upcoming merges, which I am not sure I have even mentioned, partly because of this story! Phoenix was spared any of the drama last year 'cause we had one of the highest populations, but after the merges, we had the highest of the lowest populations... So we're on the board this time. S'UP, TITAN.

Anyway, most of us are irrationally attached to our servers in FFXI. That's important for you to know because, the night my cat was lost and I was stuck in New York freaking out and being upset (it didn't help at all that when my then-roommate called to tell me what was up, she was in what I thought to be either drunken or sobbing hysterics and unable to speak, so once we'd finally narrowed it down to SOMETHING BAD, I was like, Jesus, she's simultaneously screaming and hyperventilating, was someone KILLED, did the building burn down, has she been raped??? So I was already freaking out before we finally got to the "I LET THE CAT OUT AND HE DISAPPEARED" part), after I'd done what I could (which was basically nothing), I went clicking around the web on my PSP trying to take my mind off things and of course the first damn thing I come across is SERVER MERGES and there is Phoenix on the list and I was like ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, FIRST YOU TAKE MY CAT AND NOW YOU TAKE MY SERVER and was one untied shoelace away from complete mental meltdown for a few seconds. Fortunately, I did a little more reading and discovered Phoenix is fine, we're FINE, we are just getting company.

BUT YEAH! That is my story about the upcoming server merges! Exciting.

Guys, I spent 40 minutes this evening being told by my cousin, in great detail, why she thinks I need to do drugs, and why and how she has determined that the best one for me to try would be mushrooms. No amount of "I'm really not interested" was able to dissuade her, and I only escaped by promising I'd think about it because she had to go meet someone.

What is my life.



Meanwhile, SE's MMO player base is getting a little stir crazy on the forums. Some of it's aggravating so I backpage out, but it's not all bad. For example! This thread on the recently-launched official forums is amazing. and also completely true, oh god why why why I really like some of the proposed explanations people have come up with.



(Also today at work the proofer exploded water everywhere and all the customers were asses, though I guess that last one isn't really as unusual as I'd like it to be.)




Anyway, until I suffer another emotional collapse or there's actual news, I'm done talking about the loss of my cat, because every time I think about it, I get sad, and then I get angry, and then things start going wrong in my brain again and if I short out too many times the music therapy will probably stop working. But! My MOVING OUT quest has gone well (I think I mentioned it in one of the entries I posted that was unlocked, locked, unlocked, locked, unlocked, locked, etc?). I've found a new apartment and will be able to move in next month. Rent's a bit more, but utilities will be less, so it should come out about even (hopefully). And my new room faces more eastwards, so I should get some sunlight in, which'll be a lovely change, and maybe will help with the SAD next year!

MY DARLING CAT ;___;

I guess I should, you know, at least start picking up all the little kitty toys all over the place. Since he's not here to play with them, it is probably kind of stupid to have them all over the floor.

You guys, I keep thinking I see him whenever I catch my boots, or my laptop bag, or a large chunk of road-snow, or whatever out of the corner of my eye, and then I cry.

Or I think that he could be stuck outside somewhere in all the snow and cold, hungry and scared and alone, and that he could die like that. Or that he is already dead, trapped under the snow. And then I cry.

Ooor maybe someone took him in, and now he can't get back out, and what if he misses me, because I sure miss him, and what if we never find each other or they won't give him up, and then I cry are you detecting a pattern.

(And then I keep having these scenarios playing in my head of the cat being found, and every second that not a one of them plays out, it hurts just a little bit more, so even when none of the others above are happening, I am still crying.)

(... also I will cry when the cat is found.)


And I've done basically everything I can do, other than to keep calling local vets and animal shelters, and maybe printing more flyers and expanding my door-to-door campaign, and keeping my online postings up.

So there's no news to be had anywhere, and aside from continuing to post increasingly deranged entries (and then lock them a few hours later), I guess I am just going to stop talking about it?



... man, and, you know, the weekend started on such an awesome note, too. I mean, the drive over was blessedly uneventful (actually, we got to follow some massive thing, we think it was probably for a windmill, for a while, which was cool), and then for dinner Thursday night, my brother directed us to this little Japanese place where we had delicious takoyaki and sashimi and taiyaki (red bean paste filling), and where the owners had a pair of teeny little Sphynx kittens that were the tiniest, most adorable, squeaky things, and I got to hold one and it tried to crawl into my armpit, and now I just look back on that and go, well thank god that was Thursday night instead of Friday or Saturday, because otherwise I'd probably have just collapsed into a heap of weeping hysterics.

Oh, squeaky turdlet boy. Come home soon. ;____;



Anyway, I promise next entry won't be about the cat, unless there is actual development in this before I get around to anything else.