Jecca Mehlota (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jecca_mehlota) wrote2012-06-08 02:56 am
jecca_mehlota) wrote2012-06-08 02:56 am
Entry tags:
- /things no one cares about,
- arg real life,
- blah blah blah no one cares,
- cartoons forever,
- dead internet,
- easily ignored entries,
- grab bag of subjects,
- hatred of brain,
- jecca does stupid things,
- jecca is lame,
- my bizarre family,
- my mithra is cuter than your mithra,
- stop being stupid,
- stupid body,
- these tags are redundant,
- too many tags arg!
Jecca does what?
This is a pretty random entry. Some real life stuff, some fandom stuff, some musings on things, and a couple random facts about myself that I'm not necessarily ashamed of but am kind of embarrassed to admit. Possibly not in that order.
OH BUT FIRST: thanks to everyone who commented on my clothing crisis entry! Your opinions really helped. :D
So I have a new roommate. Yes. It's a guy. You may or may not know/remember, but this place is a three-bedroom, and I used to share it with a girl and a guy. Guy's usually not around, girl was awesome, we were very much alike (freakishly so, in some ways. An example of this weirdness, our social security numbers were exactly the same, save for one digit. Her one different digit is the number immediately following mine - ie, in mine it'snot actually a 1 and in hers it is 2).
Anyway, her sister had some drama go down a bit ago and she and her cats were living with us for a little while, and after her sister moved into her own place, she realised, I really want to be living with my sister right now. And her sister had been unable to get a roommate to come through, and so... IT WAS VERY SAD AND I MISS HER. :(
New guy seems cool enough, just, eh. I'd rather have had a girl again, but we were having trouble getting people to reply/show up, and the guy who moved in was the only one of the three people who actually followed through who seemed like someone I could live with. So, there's that. My cat is not dealing with it well and has gone back to ripping her own fur out, but that is hardly a surprise. She needs kitty prozac.
Also my brother graduated from college! Good job, brother! He was in a five-year degree program, but then, at his school, if you were in the five year program, once you finished that, you could stay in for another year and earn your masters, and so he did that. WHAT IS REALLY AWESOME: his graduate gpa was a solid 4.0. Super good job, brother!
And of course that was late May remember my panicked entry about wedding attire? Well, the graduation ceremony was Friday night - we drove out Thursday to spend a little time with him prior to CONVOCATION GRADUATION. And of course we left at way early in the morning Thursday and I was up all night stressing about the weekend and also trying to calm my stressing mother down and get her to stop fretting and just go to bed oh my god. So I got, yeah, 4ish hours of sleep Wednesday night. Kinda managed to almost doze in the car, and then of course we were out waaay too late Thursday and I didn't get to bed until 2 am and then UP EARLY AGAIN have to go eat breakfast and check out and then go sit in the field house all freaking afternoon and then after that literally 8.5 hour thing, we went to my brother's place and he packed some stuff, we loaded the car, and then it was midnight and we started driving home holy gods it was awful. I was so tired, but at least my brother and I are somewhat used to staying up kinda late, so we took first driving shifts while our parents napped (one kid and one parent per car). Anyone familiar with the New York throughway might also be aware of the MASSIVE DEER POPULATION? Well, yeah, there was also that, so I spent like 4 hours playing DON'T DIE behind the wheel dodging suicidal deer and lazy semi drivers who couldn't be assed to brake on the downhills or accelerate on the uphills. Harrowing! Then we took the northway and I did not fall asleep or hit anything, and then it was 5:30 and my mother was finally ready to take a shift except I couldn't remember how to let go of the steering wheel, haha. Anyway, then I mostly just sat around with my eyes closed wishing I could sleep but I am kind of unable to sleep in cars and also my father had given me a massive lecture about not falling asleep and also not letting Mom fall asleep when she was driving because he is paranoid like that, but he pulled the whole YOUR COUSIN IS QUADRIPLEGIC BECAUSE YOUR OTHER COUSIN, HIS SISTER, WAS IN THE PASSENGER SEAT (which is a total crock of shit, you miserable asshole, how dare you?) and idk I was hugging tired, okay? Anyway, we got home at like 7am and then we had to unload the cars, of course it can't wait, geez, so then it is like 8am and FUCK YOU ALL I AM TAKING A NAP and then I had to get up two hours later and we all got ready for our friends' wedding and it was a very nice wedding except then at the reception Mom kept making me go stand on the dance floor and pretend I had the energy to dance (and then she told me not to do Thriller Zombie hands, boo on her) I think one guy was flirting with me maybe which was kinda awkward, and also then my father stepped on my foot and took off my big toenail and I bled all over the damn place. AND THEN WE ALL WENT HOME AND I WENT THE HELL TO SLEEP and then got up and went to work. Also somewhere in here I managed to wrench my back into even more agony, yay. It was all kind of awful. But I am really glad I was able to attend it all!
And speaking of my back, I am in physical therapy! And it is mostly helping, though then work fucked me over again and now I'm back to not being able to do my strength-building exercises because DAMAGE and PAIN and need to wait for it all to recover a bit more again and corporate is apparently all pissy about it and you know what, corporate, if my deciding I value the health of my spine more than I value sweeping the floors is really that terrible, please just fire me. I have to live with my back for the rest of my life. I will not be your slave for the rest of my life. DO THE MATH.
So yeah, sick of being in pain and sick of all the bullshit I've been having to put up with at work recently. My coworkers and I spend our entire shift complaining to each other. It's, uh. Awesome. Sure.
Something kinda funny: I took a lot of pictures over the Sleep Death Weekend, as you could probably guess, but what I realised a bit ago, as I moved them onto my computer and started sorting them for posting... I took exactly the same amount of pictures for my brother's graduation as I did for the wedding! 123 and each event, haha. What the heck??
So I guess Avatar fandom has a lot of wank and drama (I mean, I knew that already, which was part of the reason I avoided the show for as long as I did, because WHAT ON EARTH THAT FANDOM), and I guess one of the things now that Korra is on is there is some huge "Mako is the new Zuko" thing or whatever? I mean. They are both firebenders. Firebenders with a younger sibling, even!! Uh. Oh, right, and some people ship him with the Water Tribe girl. I guess that is all? WAIT NO THEY BOTH HAVE ANGST. Geez, self, that's probably the biggest one!
Anyway, I've made the mistake of skimming a couple of those conversations. So, I did actually really like Zuko. Wouldn't say he was my favourite character, but I thoroughly enjoyed his contribution to the original Avatar cast and series. And I like Mako well enough so far, too! But wow, it really weirds me out to see so many people shouting that people only like Mako because he's a replacement for Zuko.
Though I guess it you look at it from the whole "resident firebender" angle, sure. Firebending is my favourite to watch (though I'd say water is my overall favourite of the four).
FANBASE JUST MAKE SENSE, basically. (hahaha, that will never happen) I guess there is some other shipping bullshit going on, too, and that all pisses me off too much so I am just going to go back to ignoring 99% of the fandom for now.
(Yeah, that's right. I'm only hanging with the 1%.)
Final Fantasy XIII-2! Aerinity, who was the person who so wonderfully lent me her own copy before she ever saw it, took it one more step recently by buying me my own copy! She said it was to make up for all the Christmases and birthdays she's missed. Whatever, never bothered me much. BUT MY OWN COPY EEEE though I haven't popped it back in yet. The PS3 is actually at my parents' house in the vain hope that my brother will play either Uncharted or XIII-2 while he's here at home.
I say "vain" because no one ever actually listens to my recommendations. I can think of very, very few times I have said, "ooh! You should watch/play [this thing]!" and the individual has taken me up on it. I guess I just have shitty tastes or something, I don't know. I JUST WANT TO SHARE WHAT I LOVE. It really bums me out sometimes, I am sort of in the middle of one such fit at the moment, pay it no mind.
And now, speaking of Final Fantasy, Vana'diel turned TEN last month. WHAT WHAT WHAT. I mean, it launched here in North America a little over a year later, so I'm only coming up on my nine year anniversary but WHAT NINE YEARS?
And it still looks great and plays fine!
But, I am kinda disappointed at how Not Cute the decennial event outfits are. The novennial stuff was adorable and then this stuff was just dull. But then the event was really sweet and nostalgia-inducing, so I guess that evens it out. (STILL. NOT CUTE.)
And then I got Rana's two-year (if you count beta) coming up in a little over a month. I haven't even been playing XIV lately, I guess I should get back on that. I paid for it! I want to see the end of the world! And yet.
I just really don't like running full-screen games, guys.
(Give me my taskbar or give me ... uh, death is kinda extreme. Something else to play, I guess?)
More Than Meets the Eye #5 came out like two weeks ago or something and I only just found out about it aaaaaugh and the comic book shop isn't going to be open at a time I can get there until MONDAY or possibly even later nooooo.
(Conversely, I'm behind on TF:Prime again and continue to not have it in me to particularly care. Maybe I'll catch up again when season 2's on Netflix.)
OH THAT WAS ANOTHER THING speaking of TV and internet. All the utilities were in my now-former roommate's name, and we had them all transferred to me! Gas and electricity were super easy (made even more so by my having had accounts with them before, at my old place), but internet. Because we didn't want the service disconnected (because we didn't want to have to pay a reactivation/installation/whatever fee), we decided to add my name to the current account and then remove her from it. So she called them to add me, and then I called them to set up billing, and wait no I'm not on the account. So she took the phone and had them add me, and then I tried to set up billing but wait no you need to come here in person. Ugh, fine.
Except I was still not on the account?
So we finally got me on the damn account and I signed the papers and we had everything arranged all nice and neat and then the first of the month rolls around and SURPRISE NO INTERNET!! Or television, but that is less important.
And I was out all day so I didn't really notice... when I got home, Roommate A asked me to reset the router (it is in my bedroom. Always has been), 'cause the internet wasn't working. Okay, sure! But then that didn't fix it.
Try again?
At this point, I kind of had a sinking feeling, and turned on the TV and... yup. We'd been shut off. WTF WTF WTF so I called the tech desk (which is at least open late) and tried to figure out what was going on why have you done this I JUMPED THROUGH ALL YOUR HOOPS. Some of them SEVERAL TIMES!
But no apparently I still was not on the account SOMEHOW. Despite all the paperwork and everything. Dude, I had a security password and everything. But no. So the girl I was speaking to said she'd send an email to her supervisor and call me back when she got a response. And the response was "too bad" and so I was really annoyed, but I am sometimes very good at hiding my annoyance, and anyway it was not her fault, so I thanked her for doing her best and did not freak out or anything and man, that was some hardcore audible relief I heard in return.
AND THEN I GOT TO CALL THEM AGAIN ON MONDAY AND DEMAND AN EXPLANATION in a calm and reasonable manner, and this time they were able to turn it back on eventually, but I guess we'll see what happens with the billing...
(Man, I don't know which is worse: computer with no internet, or internet with no computer.)
Also, here's some dumb shit about me that I never say anywhere because they're dumb insecurities, the very existence of which piss me off. But I am sick of having them stuck only in my head, so maybe by spewing them out they will go away? I guess maybe trigger warning, since some of its related to my appearance.
(I am not expecting anyone to still be reading and certainly not to feel obligated to comment on any of the following. I know most of it's bullshit, already.)
So, as hinted at above, my brother is visiting for a little while to take a break after his last year of nonstop work, so I am ping-ponging between here in town and there at my parents', and the other day when I was over there, my brother asked my mother why she never participated in our utterly ridiculous Thanksgiving tradition called the "weigh in" (this is from my father's side of things and, er, basically, you weigh yourself before eating Thanksgiving dinner, and then you weigh yourself after you're all done, and whoever gains the most, and therefore presumably ate the most, "wins". Or loses, depending on your point of view. Some people take it alarmingly seriously. My mother does not participate).
And she revealed that she has always been really worried about her weight and that actually really surprised me, because I'd never have guessed that. But then my grandmother/her mother is practically anorexic and always obsessing about weight and such, so I guess it makes some sense.
And a few days before that, I learnt she is very, very conscious of having a sock tan - it haunts her every summer, though this year we finally fond her a pair of sandals she can wear, and, man, I never really knew these things? I dunno, it really surprised me and of course got me thinking about all the things about myself that I'm painfully aware of (rightfully or not) that other people would probably never, ever guess. SO NOW I'M GOING TO SHARE THEM. Catharsis?
Unibrows run in my father's side of the family. Pretty much everyone has one. Mine is not so bad, just a patch of eyebrow between the two proper ones (as opposed to a solid stripe), but I hate it and I actually have a little mirror used for the express purpose of tweezing the damn thing out. It is, like, the one thing I do to my face for appearance. The damn unibrow. PULL. IT. OUT. I don't go overboard with it - probably obvious if you've ever actually looked at my forehead area - but uuugh that stupid patch in the middle I HATE IT and it must go away.
It was never even anything I was aware of until I caught one of my cousins pulling hers out, and she started talking about it and how much she hated hers, and then next thing I knew, there I was, too.
And since we're in the facial-area already, well. MY FACE. I was doing the dishes while I was home, and Mom commented on this in surprise, and I was all CAN WE PLEASE NOT DISCUSS THIS, I AM REALLY SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT IT and my brother admitted he'd never even noticed, so, well, that's something, anyway. But Mom being all omg! was not fun. Basically, if you ever actually look carefully at my face (my glasses and uneven hair part help obscure this, but if you can get the glasses off, or if you can fully see my ears), I am actually quite badly lopsided. Like, half an inch or something. And yeah, I know, no one is symmetrical, but oh god why is one ear so much higher than the other. My glasses actually warp as I wear them so that once they're a few years old, they no longer sit evenly on flat surfaces. IT IS DESPAIR-INDUCING AND I HATE IT and no one else even notices it.
Also my toes are stupid, ugly little runt-things. I have seriously ugly toes. I am ridiculously envious of people with nice toes. My pinkie toes are just little nubs on the outsides of my feet. :(
But those are all things that at least one other person was previously aware of! Here are a few more. NEW. NEVER BEFORE UTTERED BY ME. But really tired and old to, uh, anyone, probably. I AM A STEREOTYPE.
I hate my butt. Wow, way to be original there, right? No. Uh. When I was in fifth grade, we had to go to some insipid little... thing after school, I have no damn idea what it was about, just that it was my class and our parents and we had to dress nice-ish for some reason or another. So I wore my black chorus skirt because I don't own nice things, I don't know what to do with them. I always feel ugly in nice clothes (which is confusing). It was pleated, I think, and about knee-length, and I had to get up for something or another, and when I got back, Mom, tugged my arm and pulled me over towards her and readjusted the waist band of it and whispered that it was higher in the back than in the front, and, okay, I am actually 100% aware that what happened was that I either didn't put it on even or it slipped around a little while I was doing ... whatever I was doing, but what my demented little brain heard was, oh my god your butt is so big it makes your skirt hang unevenly hide it hide it hide it.
Which, okay, I don't even know where that came from. But I will add that fifth grade was when the severe bullying that followed me through the next several years began, so I was already looking for threats and hurt in everything anyone did or said to me.
And somehow I have never quite lost that little niggling fear that my proportions are way outta whack (it has expanded a little to be my entire hips-area). I wonder if maybe my extreme awareness of my stupid sideways face maybe feeds into this one a little? Or maybe it is just its own thing, I don't know.
OTHER THINGS I DISLIKE: my voice! I am almost okay with just my speaking voice now (sometimes I go through periods of not wanting to speak because I do not want to inflict my vocal cords on anyone, but these are few and far between), but singing? haha, no. I don't sing where people can hear me. Which, you know, is funny, 'cause I was in my school chorus all the way through grade twelve, and then I did a semester in my first college's community choir. I don't know when that one happened - I mean, I know when it because as bad as it is, but I had it before then, too. I was humming along to some music one day (I think I was in 10th grade, definitely in high school, anyway) and I wasn't really paying attention so I drifted off key or something, and my mother made some comment on it, and I was like, oh, god, I am? Oh, shit, am I somewhat tone deaf or something?? Because I am positive we had one of those in high school, and she always sang the loudest and just oh lord. Always off-key. And then, since I was suddenly paranoid, I started noticing and minding when people would move away from me in chorus class. This was bad because I was one of the social rejects and so no one wanted to be near me, anyway. And so ever since then I have been even more so NO YOU CAN'T HEAR ME SING BECAUSE I CAN'T I SOUND AWFUL. I really miss singing, but I am too scared and no one is willing to force me into it.
I don't like my laugh, either. Someone in middle school picked on me for it (and it was one of the few people who weren't always harassing me) and so now when I laugh I try to do so very quietly. I'll still get the shoulder shakes or whatever, but I try to keep the sound bottled up so it just comes out as air puffs.
How not surprising that all of those were brought out by other people making comments!
...Also my hair really pisses me off, but that's more because I have no idea what to do with it and it never behaves, anyway. Long hair is hard work, but it looks pretty and its fun to play with. Short hair is super easy and wonderful, but you can't really do anything with it. If your hair is long and it is misbehaving, you can just pull it back and forget about it. But I never really did anything with my hair when it was long, anyway. I don't know. I can't decide if I want to grow it out again or just keep cutting it back.
Bonus, and not really applicable to the theme here: back when I was little and watched a lot of television - I was going to say "and watched Saturday morning cartoons" but now with Korra and My Little Pony, um... - there was this one commercial for, I believe, Honey Bunches of Oats cereal, and it was just a father (all business and proper and stuff) and his daughter (hardcore teenage rebellion) eating breakfast together, with some message like, "since everyone loves it you can still at least have this in common!" and at some point in the commercial, when the girl takes a bite, a drip of milk sticks to her lower lip, and she uses her spoon to catch it up into her mouth. Everyone does this, it is so common. Possibly you have never even noticed it! I certainly had not. But something about that scene in this commercial really grossed me out, and to this day I cannot do that. I have to take a napkin and wipe it off. It is kind of maddening, but I cannot. It is too gross. My stomach is turning just thinking about it. Thanks a lot, cereal commercial!
WHY AM I POSTING THIS OH MY GOD let's all pretend I didn't write it
la la la it is almost 3 am way past time to go to bed
... wait, did I create this "cartoons forever" tag or is someone messing with me? I am legitimately not sure. (The perils of allowing outside tag creation, haha.)
OH BUT FIRST: thanks to everyone who commented on my clothing crisis entry! Your opinions really helped. :D
So I have a new roommate. Yes. It's a guy. You may or may not know/remember, but this place is a three-bedroom, and I used to share it with a girl and a guy. Guy's usually not around, girl was awesome, we were very much alike (freakishly so, in some ways. An example of this weirdness, our social security numbers were exactly the same, save for one digit. Her one different digit is the number immediately following mine - ie, in mine it's
Anyway, her sister had some drama go down a bit ago and she and her cats were living with us for a little while, and after her sister moved into her own place, she realised, I really want to be living with my sister right now. And her sister had been unable to get a roommate to come through, and so... IT WAS VERY SAD AND I MISS HER. :(
New guy seems cool enough, just, eh. I'd rather have had a girl again, but we were having trouble getting people to reply/show up, and the guy who moved in was the only one of the three people who actually followed through who seemed like someone I could live with. So, there's that. My cat is not dealing with it well and has gone back to ripping her own fur out, but that is hardly a surprise. She needs kitty prozac.
Also my brother graduated from college! Good job, brother! He was in a five-year degree program, but then, at his school, if you were in the five year program, once you finished that, you could stay in for another year and earn your masters, and so he did that. WHAT IS REALLY AWESOME: his graduate gpa was a solid 4.0. Super good job, brother!
And of course that was late May remember my panicked entry about wedding attire? Well, the graduation ceremony was Friday night - we drove out Thursday to spend a little time with him prior to CONVOCATION GRADUATION. And of course we left at way early in the morning Thursday and I was up all night stressing about the weekend and also trying to calm my stressing mother down and get her to stop fretting and just go to bed oh my god. So I got, yeah, 4ish hours of sleep Wednesday night. Kinda managed to almost doze in the car, and then of course we were out waaay too late Thursday and I didn't get to bed until 2 am and then UP EARLY AGAIN have to go eat breakfast and check out and then go sit in the field house all freaking afternoon and then after that literally 8.5 hour thing, we went to my brother's place and he packed some stuff, we loaded the car, and then it was midnight and we started driving home holy gods it was awful. I was so tired, but at least my brother and I are somewhat used to staying up kinda late, so we took first driving shifts while our parents napped (one kid and one parent per car). Anyone familiar with the New York throughway might also be aware of the MASSIVE DEER POPULATION? Well, yeah, there was also that, so I spent like 4 hours playing DON'T DIE behind the wheel dodging suicidal deer and lazy semi drivers who couldn't be assed to brake on the downhills or accelerate on the uphills. Harrowing! Then we took the northway and I did not fall asleep or hit anything, and then it was 5:30 and my mother was finally ready to take a shift except I couldn't remember how to let go of the steering wheel, haha. Anyway, then I mostly just sat around with my eyes closed wishing I could sleep but I am kind of unable to sleep in cars and also my father had given me a massive lecture about not falling asleep and also not letting Mom fall asleep when she was driving because he is paranoid like that, but he pulled the whole YOUR COUSIN IS QUADRIPLEGIC BECAUSE YOUR OTHER COUSIN, HIS SISTER, WAS IN THE PASSENGER SEAT (which is a total crock of shit, you miserable asshole, how dare you?) and idk I was hugging tired, okay? Anyway, we got home at like 7am and then we had to unload the cars, of course it can't wait, geez, so then it is like 8am and FUCK YOU ALL I AM TAKING A NAP and then I had to get up two hours later and we all got ready for our friends' wedding and it was a very nice wedding except then at the reception Mom kept making me go stand on the dance floor and pretend I had the energy to dance (and then she told me not to do Thriller Zombie hands, boo on her) I think one guy was flirting with me maybe which was kinda awkward, and also then my father stepped on my foot and took off my big toenail and I bled all over the damn place. AND THEN WE ALL WENT HOME AND I WENT THE HELL TO SLEEP and then got up and went to work. Also somewhere in here I managed to wrench my back into even more agony, yay. It was all kind of awful. But I am really glad I was able to attend it all!
And speaking of my back, I am in physical therapy! And it is mostly helping, though then work fucked me over again and now I'm back to not being able to do my strength-building exercises because DAMAGE and PAIN and need to wait for it all to recover a bit more again and corporate is apparently all pissy about it and you know what, corporate, if my deciding I value the health of my spine more than I value sweeping the floors is really that terrible, please just fire me. I have to live with my back for the rest of my life. I will not be your slave for the rest of my life. DO THE MATH.
So yeah, sick of being in pain and sick of all the bullshit I've been having to put up with at work recently. My coworkers and I spend our entire shift complaining to each other. It's, uh. Awesome. Sure.
Something kinda funny: I took a lot of pictures over the Sleep Death Weekend, as you could probably guess, but what I realised a bit ago, as I moved them onto my computer and started sorting them for posting... I took exactly the same amount of pictures for my brother's graduation as I did for the wedding! 123 and each event, haha. What the heck??
So I guess Avatar fandom has a lot of wank and drama (I mean, I knew that already, which was part of the reason I avoided the show for as long as I did, because WHAT ON EARTH THAT FANDOM), and I guess one of the things now that Korra is on is there is some huge "Mako is the new Zuko" thing or whatever? I mean. They are both firebenders. Firebenders with a younger sibling, even!! Uh. Oh, right, and some people ship him with the Water Tribe girl. I guess that is all? WAIT NO THEY BOTH HAVE ANGST. Geez, self, that's probably the biggest one!
Anyway, I've made the mistake of skimming a couple of those conversations. So, I did actually really like Zuko. Wouldn't say he was my favourite character, but I thoroughly enjoyed his contribution to the original Avatar cast and series. And I like Mako well enough so far, too! But wow, it really weirds me out to see so many people shouting that people only like Mako because he's a replacement for Zuko.
Though I guess it you look at it from the whole "resident firebender" angle, sure. Firebending is my favourite to watch (though I'd say water is my overall favourite of the four).
FANBASE JUST MAKE SENSE, basically. (hahaha, that will never happen) I guess there is some other shipping bullshit going on, too, and that all pisses me off too much so I am just going to go back to ignoring 99% of the fandom for now.
(Yeah, that's right. I'm only hanging with the 1%.)
Final Fantasy XIII-2! Aerinity, who was the person who so wonderfully lent me her own copy before she ever saw it, took it one more step recently by buying me my own copy! She said it was to make up for all the Christmases and birthdays she's missed. Whatever, never bothered me much. BUT MY OWN COPY EEEE though I haven't popped it back in yet. The PS3 is actually at my parents' house in the vain hope that my brother will play either Uncharted or XIII-2 while he's here at home.
I say "vain" because no one ever actually listens to my recommendations. I can think of very, very few times I have said, "ooh! You should watch/play [this thing]!" and the individual has taken me up on it. I guess I just have shitty tastes or something, I don't know. I JUST WANT TO SHARE WHAT I LOVE. It really bums me out sometimes, I am sort of in the middle of one such fit at the moment, pay it no mind.
And now, speaking of Final Fantasy, Vana'diel turned TEN last month. WHAT WHAT WHAT. I mean, it launched here in North America a little over a year later, so I'm only coming up on my nine year anniversary but WHAT NINE YEARS?
And it still looks great and plays fine!
But, I am kinda disappointed at how Not Cute the decennial event outfits are. The novennial stuff was adorable and then this stuff was just dull. But then the event was really sweet and nostalgia-inducing, so I guess that evens it out. (STILL. NOT CUTE.)
And then I got Rana's two-year (if you count beta) coming up in a little over a month. I haven't even been playing XIV lately, I guess I should get back on that. I paid for it! I want to see the end of the world! And yet.
I just really don't like running full-screen games, guys.
(Give me my taskbar or give me ... uh, death is kinda extreme. Something else to play, I guess?)
More Than Meets the Eye #5 came out like two weeks ago or something and I only just found out about it aaaaaugh and the comic book shop isn't going to be open at a time I can get there until MONDAY or possibly even later nooooo.
(Conversely, I'm behind on TF:Prime again and continue to not have it in me to particularly care. Maybe I'll catch up again when season 2's on Netflix.)
OH THAT WAS ANOTHER THING speaking of TV and internet. All the utilities were in my now-former roommate's name, and we had them all transferred to me! Gas and electricity were super easy (made even more so by my having had accounts with them before, at my old place), but internet. Because we didn't want the service disconnected (because we didn't want to have to pay a reactivation/installation/whatever fee), we decided to add my name to the current account and then remove her from it. So she called them to add me, and then I called them to set up billing, and wait no I'm not on the account. So she took the phone and had them add me, and then I tried to set up billing but wait no you need to come here in person. Ugh, fine.
Except I was still not on the account?
So we finally got me on the damn account and I signed the papers and we had everything arranged all nice and neat and then the first of the month rolls around and SURPRISE NO INTERNET!! Or television, but that is less important.
And I was out all day so I didn't really notice... when I got home, Roommate A asked me to reset the router (it is in my bedroom. Always has been), 'cause the internet wasn't working. Okay, sure! But then that didn't fix it.
Try again?
At this point, I kind of had a sinking feeling, and turned on the TV and... yup. We'd been shut off. WTF WTF WTF so I called the tech desk (which is at least open late) and tried to figure out what was going on why have you done this I JUMPED THROUGH ALL YOUR HOOPS. Some of them SEVERAL TIMES!
But no apparently I still was not on the account SOMEHOW. Despite all the paperwork and everything. Dude, I had a security password and everything. But no. So the girl I was speaking to said she'd send an email to her supervisor and call me back when she got a response. And the response was "too bad" and so I was really annoyed, but I am sometimes very good at hiding my annoyance, and anyway it was not her fault, so I thanked her for doing her best and did not freak out or anything and man, that was some hardcore audible relief I heard in return.
AND THEN I GOT TO CALL THEM AGAIN ON MONDAY AND DEMAND AN EXPLANATION in a calm and reasonable manner, and this time they were able to turn it back on eventually, but I guess we'll see what happens with the billing...
(Man, I don't know which is worse: computer with no internet, or internet with no computer.)
Also, here's some dumb shit about me that I never say anywhere because they're dumb insecurities, the very existence of which piss me off. But I am sick of having them stuck only in my head, so maybe by spewing them out they will go away? I guess maybe trigger warning, since some of its related to my appearance.
(I am not expecting anyone to still be reading and certainly not to feel obligated to comment on any of the following. I know most of it's bullshit, already.)
So, as hinted at above, my brother is visiting for a little while to take a break after his last year of nonstop work, so I am ping-ponging between here in town and there at my parents', and the other day when I was over there, my brother asked my mother why she never participated in our utterly ridiculous Thanksgiving tradition called the "weigh in" (this is from my father's side of things and, er, basically, you weigh yourself before eating Thanksgiving dinner, and then you weigh yourself after you're all done, and whoever gains the most, and therefore presumably ate the most, "wins". Or loses, depending on your point of view. Some people take it alarmingly seriously. My mother does not participate).
And she revealed that she has always been really worried about her weight and that actually really surprised me, because I'd never have guessed that. But then my grandmother/her mother is practically anorexic and always obsessing about weight and such, so I guess it makes some sense.
And a few days before that, I learnt she is very, very conscious of having a sock tan - it haunts her every summer, though this year we finally fond her a pair of sandals she can wear, and, man, I never really knew these things? I dunno, it really surprised me and of course got me thinking about all the things about myself that I'm painfully aware of (rightfully or not) that other people would probably never, ever guess. SO NOW I'M GOING TO SHARE THEM. Catharsis?
Unibrows run in my father's side of the family. Pretty much everyone has one. Mine is not so bad, just a patch of eyebrow between the two proper ones (as opposed to a solid stripe), but I hate it and I actually have a little mirror used for the express purpose of tweezing the damn thing out. It is, like, the one thing I do to my face for appearance. The damn unibrow. PULL. IT. OUT. I don't go overboard with it - probably obvious if you've ever actually looked at my forehead area - but uuugh that stupid patch in the middle I HATE IT and it must go away.
It was never even anything I was aware of until I caught one of my cousins pulling hers out, and she started talking about it and how much she hated hers, and then next thing I knew, there I was, too.
And since we're in the facial-area already, well. MY FACE. I was doing the dishes while I was home, and Mom commented on this in surprise, and I was all CAN WE PLEASE NOT DISCUSS THIS, I AM REALLY SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT IT and my brother admitted he'd never even noticed, so, well, that's something, anyway. But Mom being all omg! was not fun. Basically, if you ever actually look carefully at my face (my glasses and uneven hair part help obscure this, but if you can get the glasses off, or if you can fully see my ears), I am actually quite badly lopsided. Like, half an inch or something. And yeah, I know, no one is symmetrical, but oh god why is one ear so much higher than the other. My glasses actually warp as I wear them so that once they're a few years old, they no longer sit evenly on flat surfaces. IT IS DESPAIR-INDUCING AND I HATE IT and no one else even notices it.
Also my toes are stupid, ugly little runt-things. I have seriously ugly toes. I am ridiculously envious of people with nice toes. My pinkie toes are just little nubs on the outsides of my feet. :(
But those are all things that at least one other person was previously aware of! Here are a few more. NEW. NEVER BEFORE UTTERED BY ME. But really tired and old to, uh, anyone, probably. I AM A STEREOTYPE.
I hate my butt. Wow, way to be original there, right? No. Uh. When I was in fifth grade, we had to go to some insipid little... thing after school, I have no damn idea what it was about, just that it was my class and our parents and we had to dress nice-ish for some reason or another. So I wore my black chorus skirt because I don't own nice things, I don't know what to do with them. I always feel ugly in nice clothes (which is confusing). It was pleated, I think, and about knee-length, and I had to get up for something or another, and when I got back, Mom, tugged my arm and pulled me over towards her and readjusted the waist band of it and whispered that it was higher in the back than in the front, and, okay, I am actually 100% aware that what happened was that I either didn't put it on even or it slipped around a little while I was doing ... whatever I was doing, but what my demented little brain heard was, oh my god your butt is so big it makes your skirt hang unevenly hide it hide it hide it.
Which, okay, I don't even know where that came from. But I will add that fifth grade was when the severe bullying that followed me through the next several years began, so I was already looking for threats and hurt in everything anyone did or said to me.
And somehow I have never quite lost that little niggling fear that my proportions are way outta whack (it has expanded a little to be my entire hips-area). I wonder if maybe my extreme awareness of my stupid sideways face maybe feeds into this one a little? Or maybe it is just its own thing, I don't know.
OTHER THINGS I DISLIKE: my voice! I am almost okay with just my speaking voice now (sometimes I go through periods of not wanting to speak because I do not want to inflict my vocal cords on anyone, but these are few and far between), but singing? haha, no. I don't sing where people can hear me. Which, you know, is funny, 'cause I was in my school chorus all the way through grade twelve, and then I did a semester in my first college's community choir. I don't know when that one happened - I mean, I know when it because as bad as it is, but I had it before then, too. I was humming along to some music one day (I think I was in 10th grade, definitely in high school, anyway) and I wasn't really paying attention so I drifted off key or something, and my mother made some comment on it, and I was like, oh, god, I am? Oh, shit, am I somewhat tone deaf or something?? Because I am positive we had one of those in high school, and she always sang the loudest and just oh lord. Always off-key. And then, since I was suddenly paranoid, I started noticing and minding when people would move away from me in chorus class. This was bad because I was one of the social rejects and so no one wanted to be near me, anyway. And so ever since then I have been even more so NO YOU CAN'T HEAR ME SING BECAUSE I CAN'T I SOUND AWFUL. I really miss singing, but I am too scared and no one is willing to force me into it.
I don't like my laugh, either. Someone in middle school picked on me for it (and it was one of the few people who weren't always harassing me) and so now when I laugh I try to do so very quietly. I'll still get the shoulder shakes or whatever, but I try to keep the sound bottled up so it just comes out as air puffs.
How not surprising that all of those were brought out by other people making comments!
...Also my hair really pisses me off, but that's more because I have no idea what to do with it and it never behaves, anyway. Long hair is hard work, but it looks pretty and its fun to play with. Short hair is super easy and wonderful, but you can't really do anything with it. If your hair is long and it is misbehaving, you can just pull it back and forget about it. But I never really did anything with my hair when it was long, anyway. I don't know. I can't decide if I want to grow it out again or just keep cutting it back.
Bonus, and not really applicable to the theme here: back when I was little and watched a lot of television - I was going to say "and watched Saturday morning cartoons" but now with Korra and My Little Pony, um... - there was this one commercial for, I believe, Honey Bunches of Oats cereal, and it was just a father (all business and proper and stuff) and his daughter (hardcore teenage rebellion) eating breakfast together, with some message like, "since everyone loves it you can still at least have this in common!" and at some point in the commercial, when the girl takes a bite, a drip of milk sticks to her lower lip, and she uses her spoon to catch it up into her mouth. Everyone does this, it is so common. Possibly you have never even noticed it! I certainly had not. But something about that scene in this commercial really grossed me out, and to this day I cannot do that. I have to take a napkin and wipe it off. It is kind of maddening, but I cannot. It is too gross. My stomach is turning just thinking about it. Thanks a lot, cereal commercial!
WHY AM I POSTING THIS OH MY GOD let's all pretend I didn't write it
la la la it is almost 3 am way past time to go to bed
... wait, did I create this "cartoons forever" tag or is someone messing with me? I am legitimately not sure. (The perils of allowing outside tag creation, haha.)
no subject
I think I might need to be where your 1% is; they sound pretty awesome. XD