Jecca Mehlota (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jecca_mehlota) wrote2014-12-06 08:39 pm
jecca_mehlota) wrote2014-12-06 08:39 pm
Entry tags:
DAY FIVE: Agent of Inquiry
HIIII this was supposed to go up yesterday but then I fell asleep before actually hitting post, and then today I was in New York, so, uh. I will post it now, and then go work on day six's entry. derpderpderpderpderp
I'm a bit behind on my TV watching, but I just saw the 200th episode of Supernatural and it was basically perfect in every way. If you've watched the first five seasons of the show, you really, really ought to check it out. They reference a few things you won't recognise, but on the whole, the first five are the only ones you need to appreciate it. (PS there is really catchy singing)
Now. Day 5. If I were more decisive, this would be the only entry in this vein, but I, guys, I can't. I CANNOT. I'd just start all-caps flailing or something. So instead of MY ALL-TIME FAVOURITE FICTIONAL CHARACTER EVER, you get the first of any three from my "as of the moment of writing the entry in question" top ten. Thank you,rionaleonhart for granting me that out.
I promise they will not all be MMO characters. Also I automatically disqualified Rana and Hisime, because, well, you know. Unfair advantage, even if they ARE fictional characters!
oh lord if I had any sense I'd have sorted my screencaps at some point ever.
MY FRIENDS, have you heard of the famous gentleman hero Hildibrand, agent of inquiry, inspector extraordinaire?
Because if you have not, I sincerely pity you. Your lives are, in fact, lesser for it.
You guys, Hildibrand Manderville is basically the best thing about FFXIV I SAID NOT ALL WILL BE MMO CHARACTERS I DIDN'T SAY NONE
But it's true! HE IS. But he did not start that way, no. We met him first in the BEFORE times, when Dalamud had only started to fall and no one knew it was secretly a moon dragon.
Squeenix decided one day to open up "inn rooms" for people to log in and out from, and created a series of quests, one per town, for you to complete to gain access to them. You could do them in any order, but I believe I went Limsa- Ul'dah - Gridania. I can't prove this, because I can't find any screencaps from Limsa, but I have Ul'dah and Gridania appearing that that order, so it seems likely Limsa came first? I don't know, I don't know. Anyway, you do a little quest for an NPC, and then this weirdo guy in a suit walks in talking and striking off poses to strange music and sound effects. He also has a miqo'te, Nashu Mhakaracca, following him around (she dozes off a lot, possibly because these quests are probably supposedly taking place during the day and she's a Keeper of the Moon / nocturnal miqo). The scene ends with her running up to tell him that "the big lake outside tastes funny MAYBE IT'S POISONED" and you're not sure if she's talking about the ocean or not. MOSTLY? Mostly you're confused.
You meet him again in the next quest in the next town. An inn customer lost a ring and you get roped into helping to find it. He barges into things with crazed theories. The ring is found by Nashu, who'd taken a nap under a table while spying on some dancing girls. (Do we actually know she was napping, or did I just make that up?)
You find him once more in Gridania. He wanders in out of nowhere again after you've done a basic little quest of doing down some stairs and handing an item off to an NPC. He rambles, he poses, and then he walks off without having paid for his salad and gets scolded by guards.
I was unimpressed. I don't think anyone felt differently.
And that was all, right? NO. Because then people start banging on doors in the inn at night shouting that the red moon is falling, run for your life!! And then they steal the weapons of whoever actually steps out.
SOUNDS LIKE A MYSTERY.
And where there's a mystery, there is HILDIBRAND.
Guys, I won't lie. When I saw who I was going to be dealing with again, I was kind of annoyed. This clown? Really? He's supposedly to be shadowing your suspect? He's terrible! He's the least subtle individual I've ever seen! Ugh, whatever...
And it's the same in Gridania... He tries to blend in with the children by crouching on a bench. They think he's hilarious until you confess you don't really know him, and then they wonder if perhaps they ought to alert the guards...
And to round out the trilogy again, there's the thief in Limsa, too. Fortunately, the inn keeper there has better ears out than the other two, and he has A PLAN. And of course his plan involved Hildiderp, as my brother and I were calling him at the time. Hildi's infiltrated the pirate band, not that they haven't noticed, but their threatening to kill him prevents them from getting away before the Limsa troops arrive and capture them all. Good grief. Well, surely THAT'S the end of that, right?
Except somewhere in there I stopped finding him annoying and sort of started feeling sorry for the poor idiot/s. I say somewhere. It was about when Nashu cries out to him, wondering where he is, because she can HEAR him, but she can't SEE him, and did the man using his voice EAT HIM?? "No, Nashu! It's me! I'm in disguise!" Then he gets the snot beat out of him by the guards. I still said good riddance to the whole thing, but when the next quests showed up, I didn't groan in despair.
IN THE NEXT SERIES, Hildibrand demonstrates his inability to remember names, calling Urianger any number of odd things (Hoary-angry, Yearly-anchor...). We investigate the falling moon and the prophecy surrounding it. We end up planting bomb ash in a pumpkin patch because ??? HILDIBRAND.
He has a touching heroic moment, then Nashu finds Nael Van Darnus's weapon in the dirt, and when Hildy attempts to unjam the trigger, he fires it... into the bomb ash... and is launched into the sky. As he flies up towards the moon, he declares it's for the best, because now he can get to the moon and stop it.
HE'LL BE BACK, RIGHT???
he does not come back.
The moonfalls hatches a dragon, we all time-skip, and his remains have been found and buried in the boneyard in Thanalan.
Some kind soul has uploaded the cutscenes from 1.0 featuring our dear inspector. You can watch most of the madness! The interactions on the map are probably lost, available only in stray screencaps.
Fucking tragic.
I was actually really sad when I realised they weren't going to put in more Hildibrand quests before the end. I don't really know what they could have done, since, I mean, he really flew off, and obviously the moon was going to kill us all or whatever, so no way could he have stopped it. And time was getting pretty short at that point. But, still. It wasn't a very good end for the poor bastard. Before he goes, he actually gives you a pair of earrings, because his family is apparently quite well-off (explains why/how he was able to make a living being as hopeless as he was)...
So, that was kind of a depressing entry, wasn't it? Probably no one will ever understand why he is so great. Poor guy.
obligatory post-cut text
JUST KIDDING IT DOESN'T END THERE.
You might've noticed if you were watching the side bar but maybe I took even one person by surprise?
NO, GUYS, IT'S OKAY.
Square heard our cries. THEY HEARD THEM. They listened.
And one day, we were talking to a dude in Ul'dah, and he gave us a suspiciously titled quest... "The Rise and Fall of Gentlemen." Gentlemen... we knew a gentleman once. He went up, too. AND HE CAME BACK DOWN.
aaand we're apparently stalking out his grave because we've been sent to help Nashu, who's been carrying on in his place. And she has suspicions about the zombies in the desert who pose strangely and quote familiar sayings.
Guys, I want to tell you everything, I do. But on the off chance that someday ANYONE plays FFXIV, I dare not. Needless to say, though, our dear inspector is back among the living, and the adventures have been continuing, and have featured guest stars such as GILGAMESH (Greg, as we now refer to him)! And ULTROS. And giant mandragoras! And of course there's been unnecessary explosions, crossdressing, men in naught but underwear, mysteries everywhere, and a whoooole lot of Hildibrand winding up head first buried in the dirt. They're the most glorious, wonderful things I've ever seen. If SE wanted to release a game of nothing but the odd adventures of Hildibrand and co, I would buy it. I would buy it MULTIPLE TIMES.
The cutscenes are, of course, available on Youtube. Just search for FFXIV + the mission title (there's a list available here) and you should come up with a couple hits. I just can't tell you about them, myself. Anyway, they're better watched, rather than written.
SO YEAH. HILDIBRAND. Top 10? Easily. Whenever they add new story content with him, I blow through it, and then I'm depressed because I did it all already. He is the best.
AND REMEMBER: should troubles darken your door, summon him, for he is, and always will be, your humble servant.
obligatory post-cut text
I'm a bit behind on my TV watching, but I just saw the 200th episode of Supernatural and it was basically perfect in every way. If you've watched the first five seasons of the show, you really, really ought to check it out. They reference a few things you won't recognise, but on the whole, the first five are the only ones you need to appreciate it. (PS there is really catchy singing)
Now. Day 5. If I were more decisive, this would be the only entry in this vein, but I, guys, I can't. I CANNOT. I'd just start all-caps flailing or something. So instead of MY ALL-TIME FAVOURITE FICTIONAL CHARACTER EVER, you get the first of any three from my "as of the moment of writing the entry in question" top ten. Thank you,
rionaleonhart for granting me that out.I promise they will not all be MMO characters. Also I automatically disqualified Rana and Hisime, because, well, you know. Unfair advantage, even if they ARE fictional characters!
oh lord if I had any sense I'd have sorted my screencaps at some point ever.
MY FRIENDS, have you heard of the famous gentleman hero Hildibrand, agent of inquiry, inspector extraordinaire?
Because if you have not, I sincerely pity you. Your lives are, in fact, lesser for it.
You guys, Hildibrand Manderville is basically the best thing about FFXIV I SAID NOT ALL WILL BE MMO CHARACTERS I DIDN'T SAY NONE
But it's true! HE IS. But he did not start that way, no. We met him first in the BEFORE times, when Dalamud had only started to fall and no one knew it was secretly a moon dragon.
Squeenix decided one day to open up "inn rooms" for people to log in and out from, and created a series of quests, one per town, for you to complete to gain access to them. You could do them in any order, but I believe I went Limsa- Ul'dah - Gridania. I can't prove this, because I can't find any screencaps from Limsa, but I have Ul'dah and Gridania appearing that that order, so it seems likely Limsa came first? I don't know, I don't know. Anyway, you do a little quest for an NPC, and then this weirdo guy in a suit walks in talking and striking off poses to strange music and sound effects. He also has a miqo'te, Nashu Mhakaracca, following him around (she dozes off a lot, possibly because these quests are probably supposedly taking place during the day and she's a Keeper of the Moon / nocturnal miqo). The scene ends with her running up to tell him that "the big lake outside tastes funny MAYBE IT'S POISONED" and you're not sure if she's talking about the ocean or not. MOSTLY? Mostly you're confused.
You meet him again in the next quest in the next town. An inn customer lost a ring and you get roped into helping to find it. He barges into things with crazed theories. The ring is found by Nashu, who'd taken a nap under a table while spying on some dancing girls. (Do we actually know she was napping, or did I just make that up?)
You find him once more in Gridania. He wanders in out of nowhere again after you've done a basic little quest of doing down some stairs and handing an item off to an NPC. He rambles, he poses, and then he walks off without having paid for his salad and gets scolded by guards.
I was unimpressed. I don't think anyone felt differently.
And that was all, right? NO. Because then people start banging on doors in the inn at night shouting that the red moon is falling, run for your life!! And then they steal the weapons of whoever actually steps out.
SOUNDS LIKE A MYSTERY.
And where there's a mystery, there is HILDIBRAND.
Guys, I won't lie. When I saw who I was going to be dealing with again, I was kind of annoyed. This clown? Really? He's supposedly to be shadowing your suspect? He's terrible! He's the least subtle individual I've ever seen! Ugh, whatever...
And it's the same in Gridania... He tries to blend in with the children by crouching on a bench. They think he's hilarious until you confess you don't really know him, and then they wonder if perhaps they ought to alert the guards...
And to round out the trilogy again, there's the thief in Limsa, too. Fortunately, the inn keeper there has better ears out than the other two, and he has A PLAN. And of course his plan involved Hildiderp, as my brother and I were calling him at the time. Hildi's infiltrated the pirate band, not that they haven't noticed, but their threatening to kill him prevents them from getting away before the Limsa troops arrive and capture them all. Good grief. Well, surely THAT'S the end of that, right?
Except somewhere in there I stopped finding him annoying and sort of started feeling sorry for the poor idiot/s. I say somewhere. It was about when Nashu cries out to him, wondering where he is, because she can HEAR him, but she can't SEE him, and did the man using his voice EAT HIM?? "No, Nashu! It's me! I'm in disguise!" Then he gets the snot beat out of him by the guards. I still said good riddance to the whole thing, but when the next quests showed up, I didn't groan in despair.
IN THE NEXT SERIES, Hildibrand demonstrates his inability to remember names, calling Urianger any number of odd things (Hoary-angry, Yearly-anchor...). We investigate the falling moon and the prophecy surrounding it. We end up planting bomb ash in a pumpkin patch because ??? HILDIBRAND.
He has a touching heroic moment, then Nashu finds Nael Van Darnus's weapon in the dirt, and when Hildy attempts to unjam the trigger, he fires it... into the bomb ash... and is launched into the sky. As he flies up towards the moon, he declares it's for the best, because now he can get to the moon and stop it.
HE'LL BE BACK, RIGHT???
he does not come back.
The moon
Some kind soul has uploaded the cutscenes from 1.0 featuring our dear inspector. You can watch most of the madness! The interactions on the map are probably lost, available only in stray screencaps.
Fucking tragic.
I was actually really sad when I realised they weren't going to put in more Hildibrand quests before the end. I don't really know what they could have done, since, I mean, he really flew off, and obviously the moon was going to kill us all or whatever, so no way could he have stopped it. And time was getting pretty short at that point. But, still. It wasn't a very good end for the poor bastard. Before he goes, he actually gives you a pair of earrings, because his family is apparently quite well-off (explains why/how he was able to make a living being as hopeless as he was)...
So, that was kind of a depressing entry, wasn't it? Probably no one will ever understand why he is so great. Poor guy.
obligatory post-cut text
JUST KIDDING IT DOESN'T END THERE.
You might've noticed if you were watching the side bar but maybe I took even one person by surprise?
NO, GUYS, IT'S OKAY.
Square heard our cries. THEY HEARD THEM. They listened.
And one day, we were talking to a dude in Ul'dah, and he gave us a suspiciously titled quest... "The Rise and Fall of Gentlemen." Gentlemen... we knew a gentleman once. He went up, too. AND HE CAME BACK DOWN.
aaand we're apparently stalking out his grave because we've been sent to help Nashu, who's been carrying on in his place. And she has suspicions about the zombies in the desert who pose strangely and quote familiar sayings.
Guys, I want to tell you everything, I do. But on the off chance that someday ANYONE plays FFXIV, I dare not. Needless to say, though, our dear inspector is back among the living, and the adventures have been continuing, and have featured guest stars such as GILGAMESH (Greg, as we now refer to him)! And ULTROS. And giant mandragoras! And of course there's been unnecessary explosions, crossdressing, men in naught but underwear, mysteries everywhere, and a whoooole lot of Hildibrand winding up head first buried in the dirt. They're the most glorious, wonderful things I've ever seen. If SE wanted to release a game of nothing but the odd adventures of Hildibrand and co, I would buy it. I would buy it MULTIPLE TIMES.
The cutscenes are, of course, available on Youtube. Just search for FFXIV + the mission title (there's a list available here) and you should come up with a couple hits. I just can't tell you about them, myself. Anyway, they're better watched, rather than written.
SO YEAH. HILDIBRAND. Top 10? Easily. Whenever they add new story content with him, I blow through it, and then I'm depressed because I did it all already. He is the best.
AND REMEMBER: should troubles darken your door, summon him, for he is, and always will be, your humble servant.
obligatory post-cut text
no subject
WHAT? THIS IS REALLY CREEPY.
(My reaction to 'We end up planting bomb ash in a pumpkin patch because ??? HILDIBRAND' was also 'what?', but in a less alarmed tone.)
This man sounds ridiculous, and consequently this entry was a lot of fun! (And I was fooled by the 'post-cut text' for a moment, I'll admit.)
no subject
They adopted zombibrand, see, and he taught them his ways. Until he got better.
(... he got better because nashu threw bombs in his face because she was going to fix him or kill him. What IS this game? I love it. I LOVE IT SO MUCH.) (I guess that's a spoiler, but it's just the first mission, so I don't feel too terrible about it.)
He is! The writers must have a lot of fun writing his stories, because most of the time you're just going WHAT in the best possible way. (YAY!)
no subject