Jecca Mehlota (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jecca_mehlota) wrote2008-06-23 11:55 pm
jecca_mehlota) wrote2008-06-23 11:55 pm
Nonglorious stealth-return of stealthlessness.
*crawls in*
I am back earlier than planned as a reward for good behavior. (I... I had to call someone. And talk to them. It was horrible and terrifying and I nearly died. And then tomorrow I have to go find the building, which will also be awful, but I am surprisingly ambivalent about being hopelessly lost when I am in a car. And then I have to talk to them again. And it will be, yes, awful. And I will have to talk to them again and again but at least the first eight sessions are free under my father's work's health insurance?) (Seriously, I HATE whoever decided it was a good idea to demand, "so, why are you coming to see me?" be asked. I CAN'T ANSWER IT. I go, "AHAHA NO REASON THAT NORMAL PEOPLE COULDN'T HANDLE" and then they hang up on me because I am clearly a moron.
Anyway, uh. yeah. I decided I had earned some time using the internet as I saw fit - I locked myself out of a bunch of places as punishment for being an idiot - and am dropping back in now. We'll see if I can not go off on a wild emo tangent again, because, okay, internet withdrawal is not fun.)
So while I was under self-imposed banishment, I decided to start playing a game. (I also watched the USAn Mars - look, I can't be bothered to type out "the original Life on Mars" and "the American adaptation of Life on Mars" and using the word "American" to refer to the USA vaguely annoys me because there is an awful lot of America and not all Americans live in the USA, so you're going to get USAn Mars and Life in 1972 instead. The original is still Life on Mars, and dear lord tangent, what was I even talking about? - pilot episode, but I will talk - no, not rant, talk - about that later. ALSO TOP GEAR STARTED AGAIN ♥ ♥ ♥ I had not laughed that hard in weeeks I MISSED IT SO MUCH ♥ And also Doctor Who had me going yaaay as well.)
Right, what was I talking about? Ah, yes. I started playing a game! It went (well, it's going, since I haven't finished yet) better than I was expecting, but I was kind of expecting myself to fly into a fireball-of-death rage and annihilate the PlayStation and possibly everything else, so, uh. That's not exactly saying much.
Deranged typings occurred, of course (they're half the fun of playing the games!), and also my brother is going to kill me because I still haven't beat Star Ocean. ... Also, a bit tangentially, they ported the PSP game of Silent Hill: Origins to the PS2, and now I have no excuse not to buy and play it. DAMN THEM. Jecca made this face in the GameStop when she saw it: D:
But anyway.
This is actually a few days' worth. I'm too lazy and wanting to go to bed to break it up, though in a few places I mention stopping.
Probably this isn't entirely too surprising, considering what my brain decided to suddenly be obsessed with a few weeks back. I think I've worked out what brought it on, at least.
I finished replaying Jak 3, by which I mean, earned my place in Spargus and got paged back to Haven and said, "yeah, no" and called it quits. No little lost missiles for Torn. STOP JUDGING ME YES I'M PATHETIC
... Though then I went and watched all the cut scenes between my ending position and the end of the game, and I kind of want to fight the final boss again. >.>;
Anyway, clearly the next step was...
Jak X: Combat Racing.
Yeah. You read that right.
BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF. Yay!
What parts of the previous games did I like least? The racing. What is this game composed entirely of? RACING.
WHAT AM I DOING.
I'm not questioning myself. Shut up, stop staring at the game case in dread, and turn on the PS2, Jecca.
Good job. That wasn't so hard, was it?
So!
We're in.... ? SOMEWHERE. That isn't Haven. ...This isn't Haven, is it? It can't possibly be. I just, no. The burning hatred is not with me. It cannot possibly be Haven, though the water and the towers in the water, and then the zooming into a bar did throw me for a moment, because it looked sort of vaguely like Port Haven. Of course, San d'Oria has water, and towers in the water, and a pub all in port, too. It's even full of people with long ears. But you don't see me assuming this to be port San d'Oria, do you? Whatever.
Yeah, no, this can't possibly be Haven.
And apparently it's not! Good. Geez.
That guy's missing his ears - and Dax, I doubt these guys have ever heard of you, so I think that world famous thing? No. Of course, you exaggerate everything, but whatever.
... Wow, the short hair's a new look. Jak, this makes you look more like a dopey teenager then you did when you were a teenager (er, to me, obviously. Possibly not to everyone else. And it's not so much a "dopey teenager" thing as it is he looks younger than he did in the last game. Or possibly just less like he wants to punch your face in. Amazing what that'll do for a person. Though, you know, yay for Jak... I think. Clearly it's not going to last or there wouldn't be a game here, but at least it looks like things haven't been going absolutely horridly since the end of the last game, which must be a nice change, because seriously, how much else can they do at this point and don't answer that it wasn't a challengeand also I cannot believe how lame I am, seriously, self, video game character shut up, obnoxious voice of not-actually-sanity. Fictional characters are awesome).
... I'm not used to Ottsels with pants, either. (Also, laughing at the music? Probably shouldn't be, but I am.)
Also, that desert-crawler looks way out of place with those actual racing vehicles.
Red Coat Man! He has a red coat. And an accent. And a strange sense of humor, but that's okay.
And a knife. Which is slightly less okay. Look, just, if you hurt the Ottsel, you're going to be murdered. You do know that, right?
.... Jak, what the hell, that was a window and you're in a car and those poor fish what have you done. EVERYONE RUN AWAY. ...Death threats? Oh. Someone/thing is trying to kill us. This is.... new and exciting. Really.
(Where is this Kras in relation to everywhere else, anyway? Better question: why do I become fixated on such things?)
By the way? TOTALLY COOL WITH TAKING THE NEXT BOAT HOME. GO, JAK.
Yay, title screen!
...Oh, I remember this problem. I had to delete stuff to make room for Jak 3, so I should have figured that'd come up again. SIIIGH. These games take up entirely too much space. (The problem with auto-set save slots: they always reserve more than I use. Of course, then you get the SquareEnix games, and I always end up using entirely too many slots. And this all reminds me I really have got to go through my FFX and Kingdom Hearts files and find out which I actually use and which I can get rid of.)
Krew has a daught--- yeah, what Jak just asked faster than I could type. And also Daxter (why is this game not letting me pause in cutscenes? HOW CAN I TYPE ENDLESSLY WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO PAUSE? So now I am typing words and broken sentences down without looking at the keyboard and then going back and making complete, but certainly no less incoherent, thoughts out of them once I can pause. ANYWAY). He has a daughter?
Also, isn't it a bit strange that we're here and don't really know why? Or rather who called us here? Jak, do you pay attention to anything that isn't shooting at, driving towards, or otherwise trying to kill you? I suppose someone else could have only delivered half a message. ... *opens mouth, then decides not to say anything more*
We're supposed to toast Krew. Forget that. Seriously, no.
NOOO DON'T DRINK IT. Damnit. Bad. All of you. BAD.
Ugh, he's so grooooooss. And still demanding things.
.... I SAID NOT TO DRINK THAT. RAARGH STUPID. LISTEN TO ME.
So now we're poisoned. Fantastic!
.... Grarg, just shut up, Krew-hologram. Stop being all-knowing. It's irritating. I wonder who else was supposed to show up, anyway. Sig did work for Krew, so maybe him. HE HAD THE GOOD SENSE TO STAY AWAY. Smart man. Or maybe no one could find him.
Wait, Jak trusts her? IMPOSTER JAK! Or maybe just less I HATE EVERYONE RAGE Jak. (I just, you know, the more I think about it, the more I am amazed he has not gone completely mad and murdered everyone yet. yeahyeahyeah light eco balances dark eco not what I'm on about be quiet)
... Okay, so, tangent. YES ANOTHER ONE. As usual, the only one who has changed their outfit is Jak. That is not a problem in and of itself, no. However, I'm quite disappointed. Those clothes look more like HAVEN CLOTHING.
JAK, HAVE YOU BEEN HANGING OUT IN HAVEN.
YOU KNOW I DISAPPROVE OF HAVEN.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN HAVEN FOR EXTENDED PERIODS OF TIME, ANYWAY?
Possibly he's been going back and forth between Haven and Spargus, which would be acceptable. And possibly he needed non-"I live in a desert wasteland, yay!" clothing to go to a will-reading. SHUT UP I'M ALLOWED TO BE DELUSIONAL.
(Probably they're shiny new clothes picked up in Kras, since new game = new outfit from new city. Even if the Spargus new outfit half-consisted of just ripping off the sleeves of the Haven outfit.)
Bleeaaahg tutorials
Okay, so maybe they were a good idea, since now I apparently need to hold down R2 to boost instead of just hitting it once, and who knows how long it would've taken me to notice that in an actual race.
WHEE OFF THE CLIFF!
Yeah, you know. I was a little worried I was going to make it through five minutes of gameplay without killing myself somehow. Silly of me, that. (Laughing at the WHOOHOO! as we fall into the river. That's awesome, whoever you are talking to me. I seriously cannot tell. Keira? Or the new girl.)
And, hey, you know. At least I was power-sliding when I went over the edge, right?
...AAH THAT WAS CHEATING.
Weapons visual popping up to take over the center of the screen makes Jak fly into the frozen river and die horribly.
Training round four is taking for ever and also I think the lamp on my headboard isn't going to survive this game. Possibly neither will my laptop.
Possibly neither will I oh god there's a floor down there and it wants to hurt me ... oh, hello, bedframe.
HOLD STILL, SELF.
Also, the other racers are too fast. Doomed. Dooooooomed.
Oh suuure, in round five you stop me to pop up the weapons icon.
And apparently by "survive to the end of the track," we mean, "blow up everyone else."
Or possibly I was supposed to be moving faster? Beats me. I WON, OKAY.
Oh, is this supposed to be a sort-of world map? Or are these just the cities? Vague directional relation? "HERE ARE YOUR OPTIONS"? I've no idea! I wonder if the manual tells me. Maybe I'll look later. (If that is actually supposed to be vaguely representative of a world map and the blue grid is supposed to be water, my perceptions of everything have been hugely mistaken. So I have decided it's more of a, "here are your options" thing. Meh. Meh, I say!) Oh, the icelands are back! Funny, was contemplating those earlier and now here they are in this game!
... I was gonna stop here, but, ooh, is the first race in Spargus? Spargus! Yay!
Okay, I guess I hate myself enough. Let's see how badly this game is going to murder me.
Oh, I don't want to do this. Also I just spent five minutes wondering why I had to apparently mod my vehicle just to start the race, because I completely missed that "Press O to Start the Event" thing somehow. Durrrrrr.
Samos feels this will end badly. You, too, Samos? Bad feelings all around, then!
Torn, ha, what are you wearing? OH GOD ASHELIN, AHHA, WHAT. UGH.
GT Blitz weirds me oouuut.
But! Okay! Scene over! Wish me luck, someone.
Aaaand we're off to a brilliant start in last place. Go, go.
...WALL.
That went well.
Something just blew me up. We'll chalk that up to another racer attacking me?
DAMNIT, WHAT. Oh, okay, that tells me who killed me.
... Ashelin, I thought we were in this together. x_X
YAY I JUST PASSED SOMEONE. And it was Torn. And I laugh.
And then I get into first somehow and get blown up again, but that's predictable.
Well, I made second! And I came in over Ashelin and Torn, and for some reason that makes me incredibly happy. SO THERE. (I don't even have anything against either of them, so this is a bit confusing for me. Possibly just me not being in dead last is the real cause, here.)
Retry!
... So! What is a Super Nova, and how did I activate it? Because it apparently just backfired and killed me in the process. And Ashelin has made it her life's mission to destroy me. THREE IN A ROW. SERIOUSLY, WHY. IS IT BECAUSE I BEAT YOU AND YOU CAN'T HANDLE THAT? I DIDN'T MEAN TO, OKAY. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. And I'm going to stop narrating crashes now.
NO I LIED. I just blew up Ashelin. BY ACCIDENT OKAY SHE MISSILE LOCKED ME AND I DEFLECTED IT AND IT BLEW HER UP. I didn't know it was her, but even if I had, I would've bounced it back at her, anyway, because, seriously, knock it off, okay.
Adysgfhkkldgh;h I just got nailed literally right in front of the finish line. Third. STILL BEAT YOU, ASHELIN.
Dah, sorry, Torn. Trigger reflex. (I cannot get over how much it delights me how much Torn absolutely sucks at racing. He's, like. Last. Every time.)
Okay, this time Ashelin won, but of course IT ISN'T JAK WHO HAS TO SAVE EVERYONE LET US FORFEIT OUR VICTORY SO JAK CAN SAVE US AND HAVE I MENTIONED I HATE ALL OF YOU YET.
... TORN, DON'T YOU START, TOO.
YAAAAAAH! FOURTH TIME IS THE CHARM!
Which is way, way better than any of the zoomer races, but then these just throw you back on the track when you wipe, so, eh. Also, the track is wider, so I'm not throwing myself against the unforgiving walls nearly as often. (In fact, after those initial two, I avoided things without much of a problem!)
I was first most all of that run. Awesome. (Strategy I suspect I will be using this entire game: continuous pull on R2 for boost, fingers twitching on R1 and L1 for rare offense and defense.)
Yeah, lackluster. I know it's scripted dialogue, but the fact that I blew up, like... three people total in four attempts... (Ashelin once, Torn once, and one or maybe two of the other racers once or twice?)
HA TORN! "It gets worse? D:" He suddenly looks so unhappy. I can laugh at his pain instead of my own, because he's worse than me. And, oh, am I laughing. That was the best face ever. I need to rewatch that scene just for that woe-face. Torn being completely out of his element is apparently the best thing ever.
... Give me a break from what? Keira, what was he doing? I'm confused. You've confused me.
And all the while, Torn, poor Torn, is standing in the background going :((((((
You can see Torn be full of woe here, at about 8:45. Actually, that's the scenes I've played up through at this point (in mirror-world, because the image is all flipped, bizarre. And I only noticed because I thought Jak's goggles looked weird and then noticed the letters were all backwards)! How convenient! (The last scene isn't something I ramble about until a bit later, though, so I guess that previous sentence doesn't make much sense. Looking for that clip online didn't occur to me until later, okay?)
But, you know, fortunately for me, this game has a scene-player. I don't need to collect Precursor Orbs and then unlock them. So I can rewatch it lots.
.... Also, this came up in the side bar as a related clip. The "ending" - please note use of quotations - to Jak 3. It's very silly. There's another one, or maybe more, but that one is sillier.)
I am not counting my own kills, because I do not feel like it, and because that's significantly less interesting, anyway. And I need to pause to do that, since I'm not spinning and burning.
...Ah, I just looked through the manual. I think Torn must've hit me with a peace maker, (he only hit me while I was in the lead and he was never close enough to hit me with anything else at all). Twice. Jerk. Ashelin hit me with GODDAMN EVERYTHING, though, so she's a bigger jerk. At least the peace maker just shoots whoever's in front. Also, apparently a super nova is something you can pick up, and you have to use it within 10 seconds or it backfires.
Next! ... It's a "death race." WELL AT LEAST THEY'RE HONEST. I need to kill things? While not dying?
Greaaat.
... I think that was a train. It just ran me over, whatever it was.
.... Oh, um. That was surprisingly easy. I had to score 110 (which was a scary number) to get the gold medal. I got 161 somehow. (Manual says: scores double/triple depending on what lap you're on. Okay!) (Someday I will just read the manual first instead of going back and using it to answer questions later.)
Scene! The poison is real! Ashelin has it checked out. OH NOES NOW WHAT. ...Yeah, yeah, pin it all on me to save everyone. Not very enthusiastic, are we, Jak? Sick of saving the world? ("What are the odds?" "You don't want to know x(" LAUGHING AT TORN AGAIN. AHAHA This is fantastic and I cannot even being to explain why. I'M SORRY, TORN, BELIEVE ME, I UNDERSTAND. I KNOW YOUR PAIN. I really, really do.)
... So... Why don't they pull some strings and see if they can find an antidote on their own? They know what the toxin is. People live in the Wastelands! PEOPLE WE KNOW live in the Wastelands! There's clearly a known antidote, too, so why not seek one on your own? (AND THIS IS COMPLETELY IGNORING THAT OH BY THE WAY JAK CAN CONTROL LIGHT ECO THING.) Answer: Jak isstupid addicted to the adrenalin rush he gets from racing. PROVE ME WRONG. No, "maybe he's suicidal, because, come on, Jecca, you can't drive" is not convincing. And no one else can think of anything other than JAK WILL SAVE US, apparently.
OH OKAY NOW SHE ADMITS IT. (I cannot get over Ashelin's top. Seriously what.) She'll kill us all! Because she only trusts herself to save herself! Well, fine. Be that way, Ashelin. But next time, be that way a little sooner so I don't spend half a minute gaping at the screen going, "buh, wha-, allies... WHY."
(That above scene is where the video clip from before ends, by the way.)
Deathmatch? Oh, god. I'm so bad at these things. I'm going to take the bigger vehicle. It has slightly more defense, and I'm going to need all the help I can get. ... Ha, uh, sorry in advance, Torn. You're looking a little unhappy, there. Please note, Ashelin, that I am not apologizing to you in advance. Because you freely admitted to not caring if you blow me up. So I don't care if I blow you up. (And, hey, actually, Torn isn't doing too terribly at these. I'm sure it's just random chance, but it's kind of hilarious, at the same time. He cannot race, but he can blow things up quite well.)
...Eugh, sixth (OUT OF SIX). That was terrible. Try again until you win!
NOW WE GO TO HAVEN TO find artifacts. I was so terrible at this stuff in the Wastelands. Of course, the map is smaller this time and there's not a ridiculously short time limit. Things are still trying to kill me, but when aren't they?
Torn is also terrible at picking up artifacts (Ashelin has been decent at everything, but she rarely actually wins anything). I won on my first try! Apparently all those "MISSION FAILED"s in the Wastelands taught me something... (It was close. I was tied at 8 and only picked up the ninth to break the tie with less than a second to go.) (Also, I succeeded at killing absolutely no one this time, but, you know, I was looking for items. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME.)
Blitz is coming to harass me agaaaain. ..."Tin Grin" is a good way of referring to him, Dax. If Combat Racing is the most-watched sport in the world, why have I not heard of it before? Aside from that whole eco-experiment/prison escapee trying to destroy everything followed by exile in a desert wasteland where they probably don't get much in the way of any outside communications. ...... Jak? ...haha, Dax just hit Jak for not saying something heroic! (I wouldn't say Jak's ever been much for heroic statements. Just slightly lunatic ones.) Jak's too busy being grumpy at GT Blitz to remember to speak up, not that I can entirely blame him. He's a bit annoying, and there's something kind of "off" about him, isn't there?
I'm not sure if that closing expression was confusion or sadness or pity or something else entirely. And I want to say more on this, but am probably looking too much into things and, seriously, this is only like the sixth cutscene. Maybe if it keeps up I'll actually mention it.
... GAH. LOSING AT THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND. DAMNIT ASHELIN.
I... wait, is that Pecker announcing this?
... oh lord, Torn. I'm in first place and over halfway through on my second lap. Why are you appearing on the map ahead of me?
Reveeeenge. I blew Ashelin up about three feet from the finish line. She came in third and I got first.
Artic race! Oh. Marauders are from the north? Or do they just have a fortress there? Doesn't matter, really, since I'm confined to a race track and blowing things up, but whatever. This time I needed 150 and I earned 183! I think I like Death Races!
Red Coat Man With An Accent is back! His name is Razer and he's never heard of Daxter, heh. And he works for Mizo, whoever that is. The Krew of Kras City? Now he's threatening me. Oh, and there's Jak being aggressive instead of vaguely apathetic. I was wondering.
(But, oh, Jak. They can't pick on you if they're picking on someone their own size. Because you are shorter than, like. Everyone. Oh, don't feel bad, there's nothing wrong with being short. Maybe the Dark Eco treatments stunted or delayed your growth or something, I don't know.)
Ooh, new car. Cool.
Back to Spargus. 'CAUSE I CAN. Freeze race? AUGH TIME TRIAL.
AUGH THE TIME POWER-UPS DON'T RESPAWN.
... Yay, first try! Barely, less than seven seconds left under the record, but I made it! ((After beating the game, actually, seven seconds is a lot of time.))
I am absolutely blown away both at how well I'm doing and how much I'm actually enjoying this game.
Okay, I guess I'm ready to try another circuit race. Kras, here we go again! ... You know, the problem with the custom options? The only thing they do is change the appearance. They don't add or detract to the car itself, so there's no real reason to change anything around. I mean, I don't get much of a chance to look at any of my cars, since I'm too busy not crashing into things and dying.
OH MY GOD TORN IS IN FIRST. GOOD JOB, TORN! :D
Unfortunately, that makes me feel really awful about using the peace maker to annihilate the lead. AH! AND THEN HE RETURNS THE FAVOR. XD
And then manages to come in last after blowing himself up on a wall. ... It sucks, doesn't it? *offers Torn maps to frown over instead*
...Oh, hey, wow. Ashelin, bad time on that run. She just came in last, nearly fifteen seconds after Torn (who was second to last for once).
AAAHAHA IT'S PECKER. PECKER IS THE NEW CO-HOST. DAXTER'S EXPRESSION. Blitz doesn't seem happy about this. ... Well, neither would I, but - wait, is his hair actually as fake as it looks? We are pleased by this development.
Bah, another Freeze Rally. In the Forbidden Jungle! You guys really don't need to tell me about this place. I've been there. Lots. In multiple eras. I've been using my new car, the Dragonfly, since it has the highest stats, but I like the handling (and, okay, the look) of the Road Blade better, so I am going to spend my precursor orbs (*gasp shock!*) and power it up. And then use it again. ... There! Now it's best. .... whoops, that was a jump. *drowns* Also: super fail. I missed approximately every time-freezer in the first lap. I didn't even make bronze.
... Bleeeh, I can't do this one.
Moving on, then. 'Nother death race in the north, I suppose? ... I'd be doing better if I could stop crashing. Gah! (Eventual win: 545/500) Possibly it's time to call it a day again, what with the crashing and the burning and the killing myself every other corner going on, here. Hm.
... eh. We'll give another Circuit Race a shot, then we'll be done for the day.
..... I'm sorry, Jak, did you just say, "Winner by a furball"? That might win the award for the most bizarre of the lines I've heard all of you lot shouting out.
Aah, cutscene first. Aw, leave his pale face alone, Blitz. .... Dirt making robots? ... Don't hire me to destroy robots. I think you're trying to kill me. Jak plainly doesn't care. By doesn't care I mean, secretly enjoys everyone trying to kill him, apparently. Or at least secretly enjoying knowing everyone's out to kill him. JAK, does it not worry you that you don't seem to know what to do with yourself when no one is, however indirectly, threatening you?!
Or, you know, I'm reading too much into the expressions and/or lack-thereof.
Circuit Race in the Precursor temple! Where are the monks? ... I bet the monks would know how to cure the poison. ....I win a vehicle! And then I log back out for the day, because meh, I'm busy.
Death List:
It's much less interesting than the other games, because it's mostly a tally of who killed me how many times and where. I should probably mention that Cutter, Edje (I keep spelling that wrong...), and Shiv are all other racers.
TUTORIALS:
3: OFF CLIFF: 1
4: FROZEN RIVER: 1
5: Blown up: 2
Spargus Circuit Race
Wall: 2
Ashelin: 7<<<< SERIOUSLY WHAT IS THIS Ah. It's been explained.
Edje: 5
Shiv: 4
Cutter: 4
Torn: 2
Super Nova Backfire: 1
Fails: 3
Kras Death Race:
Train-thing: 1
Kras Deathmatch:
Edje: 6
Shiv: 2
Torn: 3
Ashelin: 2
Cutter: 2
Fails: 2
Haven Artifact Race:
Fall in Water!: 2
Edje: 1
Stuck on wall (game reset me after a minute): 1
Red Cup Qualifier: Dethdrome Circuit Race
Edje: 2
Wall: 1
Super Nova backfired: 1
Ashelin: 1
Fail: 1
Icebound Citadel Death Race:
0!
Spargus Freeze Rally:
0!
Kras Circuit Race:
Wall: 3
Train-thing: 2
Cutter: 1
Ashelin: 1
Edje: 5
Torn: 2
Fail: 1
Haven Freeze Rally:
Fall in Water!: 1
Wall: 7
Fail: 3
Icelands Frozen Speedway Death Race:
Wall: 4
River: 2
Fail: 2
Icelands Icebound Citadel Circuit Race:
Cutter: 3
Wall: 1
Edje: 1
Ashelin: 1
Fail: 1
Shiv: 1
Torn: 2
Precursor Temple Circuit Race:
Cutter: 1
Torn: 4 (I HATE PEACE MAKERS OKAY?)
Ashelin: 1
Lava: 1
Fail: 1
Shiv: 1
Wall: 1
Edje: 1
I'm entirely too lazy and sick of numbers (go away, Chemistry) to bother to count that all up.
I am back earlier than planned as a reward for good behavior. (I... I had to call someone. And talk to them. It was horrible and terrifying and I nearly died. And then tomorrow I have to go find the building, which will also be awful, but I am surprisingly ambivalent about being hopelessly lost when I am in a car. And then I have to talk to them again. And it will be, yes, awful. And I will have to talk to them again and again but at least the first eight sessions are free under my father's work's health insurance?) (Seriously, I HATE whoever decided it was a good idea to demand, "so, why are you coming to see me?" be asked. I CAN'T ANSWER IT. I go, "AHAHA NO REASON THAT NORMAL PEOPLE COULDN'T HANDLE" and then they hang up on me because I am clearly a moron.
Anyway, uh. yeah. I decided I had earned some time using the internet as I saw fit - I locked myself out of a bunch of places as punishment for being an idiot - and am dropping back in now. We'll see if I can not go off on a wild emo tangent again, because, okay, internet withdrawal is not fun.)
So while I was under self-imposed banishment, I decided to start playing a game. (I also watched the USAn Mars - look, I can't be bothered to type out "the original Life on Mars" and "the American adaptation of Life on Mars" and using the word "American" to refer to the USA vaguely annoys me because there is an awful lot of America and not all Americans live in the USA, so you're going to get USAn Mars and Life in 1972 instead. The original is still Life on Mars, and dear lord tangent, what was I even talking about? - pilot episode, but I will talk - no, not rant, talk - about that later. ALSO TOP GEAR STARTED AGAIN ♥ ♥ ♥ I had not laughed that hard in weeeks I MISSED IT SO MUCH ♥ And also Doctor Who had me going yaaay as well.)
Right, what was I talking about? Ah, yes. I started playing a game! It went (well, it's going, since I haven't finished yet) better than I was expecting, but I was kind of expecting myself to fly into a fireball-of-death rage and annihilate the PlayStation and possibly everything else, so, uh. That's not exactly saying much.
Deranged typings occurred, of course (they're half the fun of playing the games!), and also my brother is going to kill me because I still haven't beat Star Ocean. ... Also, a bit tangentially, they ported the PSP game of Silent Hill: Origins to the PS2, and now I have no excuse not to buy and play it. DAMN THEM. Jecca made this face in the GameStop when she saw it: D:
But anyway.
This is actually a few days' worth. I'm too lazy and wanting to go to bed to break it up, though in a few places I mention stopping.
Probably this isn't entirely too surprising, considering what my brain decided to suddenly be obsessed with a few weeks back. I think I've worked out what brought it on, at least.
I finished replaying Jak 3, by which I mean, earned my place in Spargus and got paged back to Haven and said, "yeah, no" and called it quits. No little lost missiles for Torn. STOP JUDGING ME YES I'M PATHETIC
... Though then I went and watched all the cut scenes between my ending position and the end of the game, and I kind of want to fight the final boss again. >.>;
Anyway, clearly the next step was...
Jak X: Combat Racing.
Yeah. You read that right.
BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF. Yay!
What parts of the previous games did I like least? The racing. What is this game composed entirely of? RACING.
WHAT AM I DOING.
I'm not questioning myself. Shut up, stop staring at the game case in dread, and turn on the PS2, Jecca.
Good job. That wasn't so hard, was it?
So!
We're in.... ? SOMEWHERE. That isn't Haven. ...This isn't Haven, is it? It can't possibly be. I just, no. The burning hatred is not with me. It cannot possibly be Haven, though the water and the towers in the water, and then the zooming into a bar did throw me for a moment, because it looked sort of vaguely like Port Haven. Of course, San d'Oria has water, and towers in the water, and a pub all in port, too. It's even full of people with long ears. But you don't see me assuming this to be port San d'Oria, do you? Whatever.
Yeah, no, this can't possibly be Haven.
And apparently it's not! Good. Geez.
That guy's missing his ears - and Dax, I doubt these guys have ever heard of you, so I think that world famous thing? No. Of course, you exaggerate everything, but whatever.
... Wow, the short hair's a new look. Jak, this makes you look more like a dopey teenager then you did when you were a teenager (er, to me, obviously. Possibly not to everyone else. And it's not so much a "dopey teenager" thing as it is he looks younger than he did in the last game. Or possibly just less like he wants to punch your face in. Amazing what that'll do for a person. Though, you know, yay for Jak... I think. Clearly it's not going to last or there wouldn't be a game here, but at least it looks like things haven't been going absolutely horridly since the end of the last game, which must be a nice change, because seriously, how much else can they do at this point and don't answer that it wasn't a challenge
... I'm not used to Ottsels with pants, either. (Also, laughing at the music? Probably shouldn't be, but I am.)
Also, that desert-crawler looks way out of place with those actual racing vehicles.
Red Coat Man! He has a red coat. And an accent. And a strange sense of humor, but that's okay.
And a knife. Which is slightly less okay. Look, just, if you hurt the Ottsel, you're going to be murdered. You do know that, right?
.... Jak, what the hell, that was a window and you're in a car and those poor fish what have you done. EVERYONE RUN AWAY. ...Death threats? Oh. Someone/thing is trying to kill us. This is.... new and exciting. Really.
(Where is this Kras in relation to everywhere else, anyway? Better question: why do I become fixated on such things?)
By the way? TOTALLY COOL WITH TAKING THE NEXT BOAT HOME. GO, JAK.
Yay, title screen!
...Oh, I remember this problem. I had to delete stuff to make room for Jak 3, so I should have figured that'd come up again. SIIIGH. These games take up entirely too much space. (The problem with auto-set save slots: they always reserve more than I use. Of course, then you get the SquareEnix games, and I always end up using entirely too many slots. And this all reminds me I really have got to go through my FFX and Kingdom Hearts files and find out which I actually use and which I can get rid of.)
Krew has a daught--- yeah, what Jak just asked faster than I could type. And also Daxter (why is this game not letting me pause in cutscenes? HOW CAN I TYPE ENDLESSLY WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO PAUSE? So now I am typing words and broken sentences down without looking at the keyboard and then going back and making complete, but certainly no less incoherent, thoughts out of them once I can pause. ANYWAY). He has a daughter?
Also, isn't it a bit strange that we're here and don't really know why? Or rather who called us here? Jak, do you pay attention to anything that isn't shooting at, driving towards, or otherwise trying to kill you? I suppose someone else could have only delivered half a message. ... *opens mouth, then decides not to say anything more*
We're supposed to toast Krew. Forget that. Seriously, no.
NOOO DON'T DRINK IT. Damnit. Bad. All of you. BAD.
Ugh, he's so grooooooss. And still demanding things.
.... I SAID NOT TO DRINK THAT. RAARGH STUPID. LISTEN TO ME.
So now we're poisoned. Fantastic!
.... Grarg, just shut up, Krew-hologram. Stop being all-knowing. It's irritating. I wonder who else was supposed to show up, anyway. Sig did work for Krew, so maybe him. HE HAD THE GOOD SENSE TO STAY AWAY. Smart man. Or maybe no one could find him.
Wait, Jak trusts her? IMPOSTER JAK! Or maybe just less I HATE EVERYONE RAGE Jak. (I just, you know, the more I think about it, the more I am amazed he has not gone completely mad and murdered everyone yet. yeahyeahyeah light eco balances dark eco not what I'm on about be quiet)
... Okay, so, tangent. YES ANOTHER ONE. As usual, the only one who has changed their outfit is Jak. That is not a problem in and of itself, no. However, I'm quite disappointed. Those clothes look more like HAVEN CLOTHING.
JAK, HAVE YOU BEEN HANGING OUT IN HAVEN.
YOU KNOW I DISAPPROVE OF HAVEN.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN HAVEN FOR EXTENDED PERIODS OF TIME, ANYWAY?
Possibly he's been going back and forth between Haven and Spargus, which would be acceptable. And possibly he needed non-"I live in a desert wasteland, yay!" clothing to go to a will-reading. SHUT UP I'M ALLOWED TO BE DELUSIONAL.
(Probably they're shiny new clothes picked up in Kras, since new game = new outfit from new city. Even if the Spargus new outfit half-consisted of just ripping off the sleeves of the Haven outfit.)
Bleeaaahg tutorials
Okay, so maybe they were a good idea, since now I apparently need to hold down R2 to boost instead of just hitting it once, and who knows how long it would've taken me to notice that in an actual race.
WHEE OFF THE CLIFF!
Yeah, you know. I was a little worried I was going to make it through five minutes of gameplay without killing myself somehow. Silly of me, that. (Laughing at the WHOOHOO! as we fall into the river. That's awesome, whoever you are talking to me. I seriously cannot tell. Keira? Or the new girl.)
And, hey, you know. At least I was power-sliding when I went over the edge, right?
...AAH THAT WAS CHEATING.
Weapons visual popping up to take over the center of the screen makes Jak fly into the frozen river and die horribly.
Training round four is taking for ever and also I think the lamp on my headboard isn't going to survive this game. Possibly neither will my laptop.
Possibly neither will I oh god there's a floor down there and it wants to hurt me ... oh, hello, bedframe.
HOLD STILL, SELF.
Also, the other racers are too fast. Doomed. Dooooooomed.
Oh suuure, in round five you stop me to pop up the weapons icon.
And apparently by "survive to the end of the track," we mean, "blow up everyone else."
Or possibly I was supposed to be moving faster? Beats me. I WON, OKAY.
Oh, is this supposed to be a sort-of world map? Or are these just the cities? Vague directional relation? "HERE ARE YOUR OPTIONS"? I've no idea! I wonder if the manual tells me. Maybe I'll look later. (If that is actually supposed to be vaguely representative of a world map and the blue grid is supposed to be water, my perceptions of everything have been hugely mistaken. So I have decided it's more of a, "here are your options" thing. Meh. Meh, I say!) Oh, the icelands are back! Funny, was contemplating those earlier and now here they are in this game!
... I was gonna stop here, but, ooh, is the first race in Spargus? Spargus! Yay!
Okay, I guess I hate myself enough. Let's see how badly this game is going to murder me.
Oh, I don't want to do this. Also I just spent five minutes wondering why I had to apparently mod my vehicle just to start the race, because I completely missed that "Press O to Start the Event" thing somehow. Durrrrrr.
Samos feels this will end badly. You, too, Samos? Bad feelings all around, then!
Torn, ha, what are you wearing? OH GOD ASHELIN, AHHA, WHAT. UGH.
GT Blitz weirds me oouuut.
But! Okay! Scene over! Wish me luck, someone.
Aaaand we're off to a brilliant start in last place. Go, go.
...WALL.
That went well.
Something just blew me up. We'll chalk that up to another racer attacking me?
DAMNIT, WHAT. Oh, okay, that tells me who killed me.
... Ashelin, I thought we were in this together. x_X
YAY I JUST PASSED SOMEONE. And it was Torn. And I laugh.
And then I get into first somehow and get blown up again, but that's predictable.
Well, I made second! And I came in over Ashelin and Torn, and for some reason that makes me incredibly happy. SO THERE. (I don't even have anything against either of them, so this is a bit confusing for me. Possibly just me not being in dead last is the real cause, here.)
Retry!
... So! What is a Super Nova, and how did I activate it? Because it apparently just backfired and killed me in the process. And Ashelin has made it her life's mission to destroy me. THREE IN A ROW. SERIOUSLY, WHY. IS IT BECAUSE I BEAT YOU AND YOU CAN'T HANDLE THAT? I DIDN'T MEAN TO, OKAY. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. And I'm going to stop narrating crashes now.
NO I LIED. I just blew up Ashelin. BY ACCIDENT OKAY SHE MISSILE LOCKED ME AND I DEFLECTED IT AND IT BLEW HER UP. I didn't know it was her, but even if I had, I would've bounced it back at her, anyway, because, seriously, knock it off, okay.
Adysgfhkkldgh;h I just got nailed literally right in front of the finish line. Third. STILL BEAT YOU, ASHELIN.
Dah, sorry, Torn. Trigger reflex. (I cannot get over how much it delights me how much Torn absolutely sucks at racing. He's, like. Last. Every time.)
Okay, this time Ashelin won, but of course IT ISN'T JAK WHO HAS TO SAVE EVERYONE LET US FORFEIT OUR VICTORY SO JAK CAN SAVE US AND HAVE I MENTIONED I HATE ALL OF YOU YET.
... TORN, DON'T YOU START, TOO.
YAAAAAAH! FOURTH TIME IS THE CHARM!
Which is way, way better than any of the zoomer races, but then these just throw you back on the track when you wipe, so, eh. Also, the track is wider, so I'm not throwing myself against the unforgiving walls nearly as often. (In fact, after those initial two, I avoided things without much of a problem!)
I was first most all of that run. Awesome. (Strategy I suspect I will be using this entire game: continuous pull on R2 for boost, fingers twitching on R1 and L1 for rare offense and defense.)
Yeah, lackluster. I know it's scripted dialogue, but the fact that I blew up, like... three people total in four attempts... (Ashelin once, Torn once, and one or maybe two of the other racers once or twice?)
HA TORN! "It gets worse? D:" He suddenly looks so unhappy. I can laugh at his pain instead of my own, because he's worse than me. And, oh, am I laughing. That was the best face ever. I need to rewatch that scene just for that woe-face. Torn being completely out of his element is apparently the best thing ever.
... Give me a break from what? Keira, what was he doing? I'm confused. You've confused me.
And all the while, Torn, poor Torn, is standing in the background going :((((((
You can see Torn be full of woe here, at about 8:45. Actually, that's the scenes I've played up through at this point (in mirror-world, because the image is all flipped, bizarre. And I only noticed because I thought Jak's goggles looked weird and then noticed the letters were all backwards)! How convenient! (The last scene isn't something I ramble about until a bit later, though, so I guess that previous sentence doesn't make much sense. Looking for that clip online didn't occur to me until later, okay?)
But, you know, fortunately for me, this game has a scene-player. I don't need to collect Precursor Orbs and then unlock them. So I can rewatch it lots.
.... Also, this came up in the side bar as a related clip. The "ending" - please note use of quotations - to Jak 3. It's very silly. There's another one, or maybe more, but that one is sillier.)
I am not counting my own kills, because I do not feel like it, and because that's significantly less interesting, anyway. And I need to pause to do that, since I'm not spinning and burning.
...Ah, I just looked through the manual. I think Torn must've hit me with a peace maker, (he only hit me while I was in the lead and he was never close enough to hit me with anything else at all). Twice. Jerk. Ashelin hit me with GODDAMN EVERYTHING, though, so she's a bigger jerk. At least the peace maker just shoots whoever's in front. Also, apparently a super nova is something you can pick up, and you have to use it within 10 seconds or it backfires.
Next! ... It's a "death race." WELL AT LEAST THEY'RE HONEST. I need to kill things? While not dying?
Greaaat.
... I think that was a train. It just ran me over, whatever it was.
.... Oh, um. That was surprisingly easy. I had to score 110 (which was a scary number) to get the gold medal. I got 161 somehow. (Manual says: scores double/triple depending on what lap you're on. Okay!) (Someday I will just read the manual first instead of going back and using it to answer questions later.)
Scene! The poison is real! Ashelin has it checked out. OH NOES NOW WHAT. ...Yeah, yeah, pin it all on me to save everyone. Not very enthusiastic, are we, Jak? Sick of saving the world? ("What are the odds?" "You don't want to know x(" LAUGHING AT TORN AGAIN. AHAHA This is fantastic and I cannot even being to explain why. I'M SORRY, TORN, BELIEVE ME, I UNDERSTAND. I KNOW YOUR PAIN. I really, really do.)
... So... Why don't they pull some strings and see if they can find an antidote on their own? They know what the toxin is. People live in the Wastelands! PEOPLE WE KNOW live in the Wastelands! There's clearly a known antidote, too, so why not seek one on your own? (AND THIS IS COMPLETELY IGNORING THAT OH BY THE WAY JAK CAN CONTROL LIGHT ECO THING.) Answer: Jak is
OH OKAY NOW SHE ADMITS IT. (I cannot get over Ashelin's top. Seriously what.) She'll kill us all! Because she only trusts herself to save herself! Well, fine. Be that way, Ashelin. But next time, be that way a little sooner so I don't spend half a minute gaping at the screen going, "buh, wha-, allies... WHY."
(That above scene is where the video clip from before ends, by the way.)
Deathmatch? Oh, god. I'm so bad at these things. I'm going to take the bigger vehicle. It has slightly more defense, and I'm going to need all the help I can get. ... Ha, uh, sorry in advance, Torn. You're looking a little unhappy, there. Please note, Ashelin, that I am not apologizing to you in advance. Because you freely admitted to not caring if you blow me up. So I don't care if I blow you up. (And, hey, actually, Torn isn't doing too terribly at these. I'm sure it's just random chance, but it's kind of hilarious, at the same time. He cannot race, but he can blow things up quite well.)
...Eugh, sixth (OUT OF SIX). That was terrible. Try again until you win!
NOW WE GO TO HAVEN TO find artifacts. I was so terrible at this stuff in the Wastelands. Of course, the map is smaller this time and there's not a ridiculously short time limit. Things are still trying to kill me, but when aren't they?
Torn is also terrible at picking up artifacts (Ashelin has been decent at everything, but she rarely actually wins anything). I won on my first try! Apparently all those "MISSION FAILED"s in the Wastelands taught me something... (It was close. I was tied at 8 and only picked up the ninth to break the tie with less than a second to go.) (Also, I succeeded at killing absolutely no one this time, but, you know, I was looking for items. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME.)
Blitz is coming to harass me agaaaain. ..."Tin Grin" is a good way of referring to him, Dax. If Combat Racing is the most-watched sport in the world, why have I not heard of it before? Aside from that whole eco-experiment/prison escapee trying to destroy everything followed by exile in a desert wasteland where they probably don't get much in the way of any outside communications. ...... Jak? ...haha, Dax just hit Jak for not saying something heroic! (I wouldn't say Jak's ever been much for heroic statements. Just slightly lunatic ones.) Jak's too busy being grumpy at GT Blitz to remember to speak up, not that I can entirely blame him. He's a bit annoying, and there's something kind of "off" about him, isn't there?
I'm not sure if that closing expression was confusion or sadness or pity or something else entirely. And I want to say more on this, but am probably looking too much into things and, seriously, this is only like the sixth cutscene. Maybe if it keeps up I'll actually mention it.
... GAH. LOSING AT THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND. DAMNIT ASHELIN.
I... wait, is that Pecker announcing this?
... oh lord, Torn. I'm in first place and over halfway through on my second lap. Why are you appearing on the map ahead of me?
Reveeeenge. I blew Ashelin up about three feet from the finish line. She came in third and I got first.
Artic race! Oh. Marauders are from the north? Or do they just have a fortress there? Doesn't matter, really, since I'm confined to a race track and blowing things up, but whatever. This time I needed 150 and I earned 183! I think I like Death Races!
Red Coat Man With An Accent is back! His name is Razer and he's never heard of Daxter, heh. And he works for Mizo, whoever that is. The Krew of Kras City? Now he's threatening me. Oh, and there's Jak being aggressive instead of vaguely apathetic. I was wondering.
(But, oh, Jak. They can't pick on you if they're picking on someone their own size. Because you are shorter than, like. Everyone. Oh, don't feel bad, there's nothing wrong with being short. Maybe the Dark Eco treatments stunted or delayed your growth or something, I don't know.)
Ooh, new car. Cool.
Back to Spargus. 'CAUSE I CAN. Freeze race? AUGH TIME TRIAL.
AUGH THE TIME POWER-UPS DON'T RESPAWN.
... Yay, first try! Barely, less than seven seconds left under the record, but I made it! ((After beating the game, actually, seven seconds is a lot of time.))
I am absolutely blown away both at how well I'm doing and how much I'm actually enjoying this game.
Okay, I guess I'm ready to try another circuit race. Kras, here we go again! ... You know, the problem with the custom options? The only thing they do is change the appearance. They don't add or detract to the car itself, so there's no real reason to change anything around. I mean, I don't get much of a chance to look at any of my cars, since I'm too busy not crashing into things and dying.
OH MY GOD TORN IS IN FIRST. GOOD JOB, TORN! :D
Unfortunately, that makes me feel really awful about using the peace maker to annihilate the lead. AH! AND THEN HE RETURNS THE FAVOR. XD
And then manages to come in last after blowing himself up on a wall. ... It sucks, doesn't it? *offers Torn maps to frown over instead*
...Oh, hey, wow. Ashelin, bad time on that run. She just came in last, nearly fifteen seconds after Torn (who was second to last for once).
AAAHAHA IT'S PECKER. PECKER IS THE NEW CO-HOST. DAXTER'S EXPRESSION. Blitz doesn't seem happy about this. ... Well, neither would I, but - wait, is his hair actually as fake as it looks? We are pleased by this development.
Bah, another Freeze Rally. In the Forbidden Jungle! You guys really don't need to tell me about this place. I've been there. Lots. In multiple eras. I've been using my new car, the Dragonfly, since it has the highest stats, but I like the handling (and, okay, the look) of the Road Blade better, so I am going to spend my precursor orbs (*gasp shock!*) and power it up. And then use it again. ... There! Now it's best. .... whoops, that was a jump. *drowns* Also: super fail. I missed approximately every time-freezer in the first lap. I didn't even make bronze.
... Bleeeh, I can't do this one.
Moving on, then. 'Nother death race in the north, I suppose? ... I'd be doing better if I could stop crashing. Gah! (Eventual win: 545/500) Possibly it's time to call it a day again, what with the crashing and the burning and the killing myself every other corner going on, here. Hm.
... eh. We'll give another Circuit Race a shot, then we'll be done for the day.
..... I'm sorry, Jak, did you just say, "Winner by a furball"? That might win the award for the most bizarre of the lines I've heard all of you lot shouting out.
Aah, cutscene first. Aw, leave his pale face alone, Blitz. .... Dirt making robots? ... Don't hire me to destroy robots. I think you're trying to kill me. Jak plainly doesn't care. By doesn't care I mean, secretly enjoys everyone trying to kill him, apparently. Or at least secretly enjoying knowing everyone's out to kill him. JAK, does it not worry you that you don't seem to know what to do with yourself when no one is, however indirectly, threatening you?!
Or, you know, I'm reading too much into the expressions and/or lack-thereof.
Circuit Race in the Precursor temple! Where are the monks? ... I bet the monks would know how to cure the poison. ....I win a vehicle! And then I log back out for the day, because meh, I'm busy.
Death List:
It's much less interesting than the other games, because it's mostly a tally of who killed me how many times and where. I should probably mention that Cutter, Edje (I keep spelling that wrong...), and Shiv are all other racers.
TUTORIALS:
3: OFF CLIFF: 1
4: FROZEN RIVER: 1
5: Blown up: 2
Spargus Circuit Race
Wall: 2
Ashelin: 7
Edje: 5
Shiv: 4
Cutter: 4
Torn: 2
Super Nova Backfire: 1
Fails: 3
Kras Death Race:
Train-thing: 1
Kras Deathmatch:
Edje: 6
Shiv: 2
Torn: 3
Ashelin: 2
Cutter: 2
Fails: 2
Haven Artifact Race:
Fall in Water!: 2
Edje: 1
Stuck on wall (game reset me after a minute): 1
Red Cup Qualifier: Dethdrome Circuit Race
Edje: 2
Wall: 1
Super Nova backfired: 1
Ashelin: 1
Fail: 1
Icebound Citadel Death Race:
0!
Spargus Freeze Rally:
0!
Kras Circuit Race:
Wall: 3
Train-thing: 2
Cutter: 1
Ashelin: 1
Edje: 5
Torn: 2
Fail: 1
Haven Freeze Rally:
Fall in Water!: 1
Wall: 7
Fail: 3
Icelands Frozen Speedway Death Race:
Wall: 4
River: 2
Fail: 2
Icelands Icebound Citadel Circuit Race:
Cutter: 3
Wall: 1
Edje: 1
Ashelin: 1
Fail: 1
Shiv: 1
Torn: 2
Precursor Temple Circuit Race:
Cutter: 1
Torn: 4 (I HATE PEACE MAKERS OKAY?)
Ashelin: 1
Lava: 1
Fail: 1
Shiv: 1
Wall: 1
Edje: 1
I'm entirely too lazy and sick of numbers (go away, Chemistry) to bother to count that all up.