FIC: Transformers / Top Gear: GT Offshoot: Prodding

[jecca_mehlota]

Pretend I posted this at the end of January, since I wrote nothing last month and was lame enough to post old stuff. Though maybe I should be saving this for the end of February.

Either way, someone needs to take these two - or at least Mirage, since he's the real problem, anyway - away from me before this gets even more out of control. TAKE HIM AWAY. Please?

Also, I can't come up with an even half-decent title. Woe.

Title: Prodding
Author: Jecca Meitahn / twilit_wanderer (ME!)
Fandom: Transformers, sort of Top Gear crossover
Rating: K
Characters: Mirage, Sideswipe, others.
Pairing: Take it as you will.
Wordcount: 1,044
Warnings: None
Summary: Mirage doesn't want the other Autobots to know where he'd been while he was missing. Sideswipe, unfortunately, appears to be on to him.
Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers or anything (or anyone) related to Top Gear, and this probably didn't happen.
Notes: This will not make sense if you haven't read "GT." This is ... silly. It was originally a short scene from the still-in-progress "WST-Live!" thing, but it kept growing so, to prevent Mirage from stealing the story, I gave him yet another of his very own. I removed all references to the events of that story, so this should stand apart from it without problems. It still, of course, fits into Alt-verse.


The first time it happened, he had just returned from patrol. It was a miserable day out and, as he trudged through the base, Mirage was certain he would never be able to clear all of the grime out of his systems.

"Hey, Mirage, you're on the screen!" Sideswipe shouted out at him as he passed the control room.

"Yes, that happens when you actually look at the monitors while on duty," Mirage shot back testily, not breaking his stride.

"No, I mean, some guy's got a car same model as you, blue and everything, on this show. He's, uh," Sideswipe paused and stared at the screen for a moment in apparent bewilderment. "He's licking it."

Mirage stopped. "What?"

"Yeah, weird, huh?" Sideswipe said, oblivious to Mirage's darkening expression. "Aren't you glad you didn't end up-"

"Turn that off!" Mirage stalked to where Sideswipe sat, then stared in disbelief at the image indicated.

"Don't touch it, you'll get mud all over everything," Sideswipe chided.

"I'll get mud all over you if you try to stop me," Mirage told him, but hesitated. If he gunked the system, there was a good chance he'd have to help clean it.

He was, thankfully, spared having to make a decision.

"That's enough, Sideswipe. Mirage needs to clean off and you need to do your work," Prowl said, cutting the video feed off as he entered and crossed the room.

"Hey!"

Prowl, ignoring the protest, took a moment to pull information off one of the other consoles in the room.

"Oh, come on," Sideswipe argued, more to be annoying than because he expected Prowl to change his mind. "The Decepticons aren't going to try anything in this weather. Have you been out recently?"

"If they do, would you prefer it go undetected because you weren't paying attention?"

"What are you going to do if I say yes, Red Alert?" Sideswipe asked, grinning.

Prowl, evidently finished, shot a warning glare at Sideswipe and left without commenting.

Mirage watched the doorway for a moment then, feeling mud oozing its way towards the floor, shuddered and headed for the wash racks.

*

It happened a second time, weeks later, when Jazz invited him to grab some energon. Not having anything better to do at the moment, Mirage had agreed to go along, and they'd placed themselves in a corner of the room. Sideswipe paused next to them not long after and, after briefly describing a road resurfacing, began excitedly telling them about the high speed crash he'd just been watching with Sunstreaker and several other bored Autobots.

Mirage wanted to hit him.

Instead, he asked, "What is with your ridiculous obsession with that equally ridiculous program?"

Sideswipe grinned. "It's funny, Mirage. Come on, even you'd like it, if you'd ever watch it."

"I don't feel the need to subject myself to that, thanks," Mirage muttered.

"Your loss," Sideswipe shrugged. "Gotta get back now. Later."

They watched him walk off with his energon. After he was out of range, Mirage shot a glare at Jazz, who had remained silent throughout the short conversation. "Stop laughing. It's not funny."

Jazz only smiled innocently. "Actually," he said, "I was thinking of the messes Sides'd get into if he ever decided to try any of their challenges for himself. And," he continued around a sudden fit of laughter, "can you imagine how Prowl'd react when he heard the reasoning behind it?"

Unappeased, Mirage was only silent a moment before demanding, "He knows, doesn't he?"

Jazz shrugged lazily, still chuckling. "Don't see how he could. We didn't even tell Hound everything, and he was actually involved."

"He brought it up before," Mirage argued.

"Doesn't change that the only way he'd know is if you've told him. Prowl and Red sure wouldn't've, and you asked Hound not to mention it, didn't you?"

Mirage frowned down at his energon. "Maybe he intercepted the message I sent."

"Maybe he just likes shows about cars," Jazz countered with a grin. "It's popular, Mirage."

"I don't want to hear about it."

Jazz leaned back and observed Mirage for a moment. "You miss any of it?"

"Of course not!" Mirage snapped.

*

When it happened a third time, Mirage decided Jazz must have been wrong.

"Do you really have to tell me everything that stupid man says about his car?" Mirage asked, interrupting Sideswipe's descriptions of things that had purportedly gone wrong with the Ford GT Jeremy Clarkson had owned (and had he been aware it was the same color as his own paint scheme?).

"I haven't told you everything," Sideswipe countered.

"No, but I'm quite certain it's only a matter of time before you start in on the antitheft!"

Sideswipe grinned at him and Mirage suppressed a grimace. If he hadn't known before, he'd certainly figured it out just now. Mirage would never heard the end of it.

"How did you know about that?" Sideswipe asked, still grinning.

Mirage stared mutely, resigned but trying desperately not to show it. Maybe if he acted like he didn't care, no one else would care, either.

Sideswipe laughed once, loudly. "I knew it! You saw all of this while you were stuck over there!"

"Er," Mirage offered intelligently after a pause, stunned at how Sideswipe had misinterpreted his expression.

"You know, you could've just said so." Sideswipe shook his head, clearly amused. "Would've saved time."

"Right," Mirage said, nodding slowly. "You, uh, could have asked directly?"

Neither said anything for a moment, then Sideswipe leaned in conspiratorially. "So, did you ever go watch?"

"Watch what?" Mirage asked.

"You know, the filming. Did you ever use your cloak and sneak up to watch? Or did you just pull it when they broadcast it?"

Mirage glanced around and, finally, decided no harm could be done. "Yes," he answered honestly. "I did watch filming on occasion."

"That's awesome!" Sideswipe exclaimed. "Of course, you never got to talk to anyone, did you?"

Mirage was silent again, but Sideswipe didn't seem to notice as he continued, "I want to meet them someday. I could beat all the speed records they've got."

"I'm sure you'd get along famously," Mirage replied with a sincerity he found frightening, and promptly began begging every possible higher power he knew of to prevent it from ever happening.


- END -