Jecca Mehlota (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
jecca_mehlota) wrote2014-12-07 09:35 pm
jecca_mehlota) wrote2014-12-07 09:35 pm
DAY SEVEN: pick a card
The results of my MRI are not... They don't know. It's not a tumor, probably. So we've eliminated "plain ol' damage that some PT can fix," "joint mice," and now "bone tumor" and "cancer." Which, I mean, okay, that's good, but so now the next step is I go see a specialist and probably they stab something into the joint and draw a sample. December's getting real exciting.
Mom and I are watching Supernatural season 3 because god damn it mom you're going to make it to season 4 even if i have to drag you kicking and screaming. TWO AND A HALF EPISODES TO GO (we're in episode 7 for the night).
Back to the question meme.
Today's question of the day is fromsqueemu, who wants to know when I realised I was ace!
And the really, reeaaally cop out answer is, "when I found out it was an option." :D?
... no?
tsk.
So, I guess my first clue should've been in sixth grade, after Titanic came out and almost every single girl in my grade (and probably some above and below) was suddenly massively, obsessively in love with Dear Leo. I didn't care, because I had no interest in seeing the movie (I still haven't seen the whole thing through. I saw most of it at a sleepover, but I fell asleep somewhere in the middle), and I didn't think he was cute, and, guys, seriously? We're, like, twelve, maybe, aren't we a bit young for such nonsense?
And there were folks going on dates and one girl in our grade (admittedly, no one was impressed by her, we all thought she was a bit too weird/gross/different) was bragging about how she'd had sex already, like when she turned 10 or something, idk. I totally didn't get it. Anyway, boys were jerks. We were well into the "Jecca gets bullied a lot" phase of things by then and, perhaps oddly, most of the worst of them were boys. Usually it's girls being mean to girls and boys beating each other up.
Anyway.
Younger Jecca was not impressed, so she and her three friends just went off and did their own thing, and seventh grade rolled around to Jecca not really feeling any different about the whole thing, though more of her classmates seemed to, and also her father was kind of weirdly obsessed with her potential dating life.
It was super, suuuper awkward. He would, usually over the weekend, but about once a week for a pretty good while, he'd come in to my room and sit and talk and talk and talk at me (never, ever to be mistaken for "with" or "to") about how, well, you know, at your age, it's perfectly normal to start noticing boys, and to be attracted to boys, and, you know, if I wanted to maybe go get a boyfriend and go on daaates and hold haaaands and make ooout, well, he would be okay with that! And then after like, at least an hour of that, he'd also add, it would be totally okay if I decided I wanted to like girls, instead!
And I was just like, dad. I have, like, three friends, and everyone in my school is a fucking asshole bully, even if I DID want to have a boy/girl/thingfriend, it wouldn't be anyone I know, because what the hell. BUT ALSO I AM LIKE TWELVE/THIRTEEN AND MAYBE THAT IS A BIT YOUNG??? For shades of TMI, I had not even hit puberty at this point, I was happily a bit late to that.
Also I seriously had better things to do that pine after some loser asshat. There were BOOKS to read! I had just recently discovered anime, so there were shows to watch! There were action figures to play with!
Seriously, I didn't care.
Honestly, it wasn't until some point in high school that I started joking about being "asexual" lololol like something from science class! Was it even a phrase that people were using in the early 2000s? Oh, probably. But probably really only on the internet, and I wasn't browsing around on the internet much for anything that wasn't fandom related at that point.
It was probably somewhere in here that people started telling me I was just a late bloomer and I'd come around to liking, and by liking we mean 'wanting to do the sex with' teh bois (or teh gurls!!1!) eventually, and I always felt like they were just crazy and what's the big deal, anyway.
That was the weird thing, no one was ever like, oh you'll fall in love someday. They were all, SOMEDAY YOU WILL WANT A DICK IN YOU. YES. SOMEDAY.
I guess I didn't realise I was asexual until I was at college and for some reason I don't remember how it came around to it, but I had my own laptop and maybe I read someone actually using the word "asexual" to describe themselves or someone else, or maybe I was just googling it for the hell of things, but either way I ended up finding AVEN's site. A lot of people say they're relieved when they find out there are others like them, but mostly I just kinda felt like SO HA. I guess I'm better at "I TOLD YOU SO" than relief.
Aaaand basically nothing has changed ever? I've yet to want to strip down with anyone, anyway. If I ever find myself in a relationship (this seems progressively unlikelier the older I get), maybe that will change. Maybe I am secretly demisexual. The world may never know.
Also, just to throw it out there, a lot of people I've known in real life seem to think that because I don't get the whole "sexual attraction" thing that I look down on people who do, or folks who just go out and have sex or whatever, but honestly I don't care. I mean, I don't particularly want to hear about it, but seriously, it's your body and your life and you can do what/whoever you want.
Also, I'm not actually aromantic, so telling me how lucky I am that I'll never have to worry about wanting to have anyone in my life to care for or who will care for me is generally unappreciated (so are the "helpful" folk who like to tell me WELL YOU KNOW, IF YOU EVER WANT A SO, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO HAVE SEX).
I guess while we're on the subject of orientations, I still think of myself as asexual panromantic, but I will admit that I've noticed I tend to like to be around girls more than guys. Might just be all the BotCon cuddle piles, though. We should have more of those. I like puppy piles. They're like group hugs without the awkward arm flailing elbow smashing discomfort. (Though I also really enjoy all my voice chat fun with my guys from XIV.)
WHOOPS PAST MY BEDTIME
but we made it through the end of season 3! ahahahahaha SUCCESS.
Mom and I are watching Supernatural season 3 because god damn it mom you're going to make it to season 4 even if i have to drag you kicking and screaming. TWO AND A HALF EPISODES TO GO (we're in episode 7 for the night).
Back to the question meme.
Today's question of the day is from
squeemu, who wants to know when I realised I was ace!And the really, reeaaally cop out answer is, "when I found out it was an option." :D?
... no?
tsk.
So, I guess my first clue should've been in sixth grade, after Titanic came out and almost every single girl in my grade (and probably some above and below) was suddenly massively, obsessively in love with Dear Leo. I didn't care, because I had no interest in seeing the movie (I still haven't seen the whole thing through. I saw most of it at a sleepover, but I fell asleep somewhere in the middle), and I didn't think he was cute, and, guys, seriously? We're, like, twelve, maybe, aren't we a bit young for such nonsense?
And there were folks going on dates and one girl in our grade (admittedly, no one was impressed by her, we all thought she was a bit too weird/gross/different) was bragging about how she'd had sex already, like when she turned 10 or something, idk. I totally didn't get it. Anyway, boys were jerks. We were well into the "Jecca gets bullied a lot" phase of things by then and, perhaps oddly, most of the worst of them were boys. Usually it's girls being mean to girls and boys beating each other up.
Anyway.
Younger Jecca was not impressed, so she and her three friends just went off and did their own thing, and seventh grade rolled around to Jecca not really feeling any different about the whole thing, though more of her classmates seemed to, and also her father was kind of weirdly obsessed with her potential dating life.
It was super, suuuper awkward. He would, usually over the weekend, but about once a week for a pretty good while, he'd come in to my room and sit and talk and talk and talk at me (never, ever to be mistaken for "with" or "to") about how, well, you know, at your age, it's perfectly normal to start noticing boys, and to be attracted to boys, and, you know, if I wanted to maybe go get a boyfriend and go on daaates and hold haaaands and make ooout, well, he would be okay with that! And then after like, at least an hour of that, he'd also add, it would be totally okay if I decided I wanted to like girls, instead!
And I was just like, dad. I have, like, three friends, and everyone in my school is a fucking asshole bully, even if I DID want to have a boy/girl/thingfriend, it wouldn't be anyone I know, because what the hell. BUT ALSO I AM LIKE TWELVE/THIRTEEN AND MAYBE THAT IS A BIT YOUNG??? For shades of TMI, I had not even hit puberty at this point, I was happily a bit late to that.
Also I seriously had better things to do that pine after some loser asshat. There were BOOKS to read! I had just recently discovered anime, so there were shows to watch! There were action figures to play with!
Seriously, I didn't care.
Honestly, it wasn't until some point in high school that I started joking about being "asexual" lololol like something from science class! Was it even a phrase that people were using in the early 2000s? Oh, probably. But probably really only on the internet, and I wasn't browsing around on the internet much for anything that wasn't fandom related at that point.
It was probably somewhere in here that people started telling me I was just a late bloomer and I'd come around to liking, and by liking we mean 'wanting to do the sex with' teh bois (or teh gurls!!1!) eventually, and I always felt like they were just crazy and what's the big deal, anyway.
That was the weird thing, no one was ever like, oh you'll fall in love someday. They were all, SOMEDAY YOU WILL WANT A DICK IN YOU. YES. SOMEDAY.
I guess I didn't realise I was asexual until I was at college and for some reason I don't remember how it came around to it, but I had my own laptop and maybe I read someone actually using the word "asexual" to describe themselves or someone else, or maybe I was just googling it for the hell of things, but either way I ended up finding AVEN's site. A lot of people say they're relieved when they find out there are others like them, but mostly I just kinda felt like SO HA. I guess I'm better at "I TOLD YOU SO" than relief.
Aaaand basically nothing has changed ever? I've yet to want to strip down with anyone, anyway. If I ever find myself in a relationship (this seems progressively unlikelier the older I get), maybe that will change. Maybe I am secretly demisexual. The world may never know.
Also, just to throw it out there, a lot of people I've known in real life seem to think that because I don't get the whole "sexual attraction" thing that I look down on people who do, or folks who just go out and have sex or whatever, but honestly I don't care. I mean, I don't particularly want to hear about it, but seriously, it's your body and your life and you can do what/whoever you want.
Also, I'm not actually aromantic, so telling me how lucky I am that I'll never have to worry about wanting to have anyone in my life to care for or who will care for me is generally unappreciated (so are the "helpful" folk who like to tell me WELL YOU KNOW, IF YOU EVER WANT A SO, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO HAVE SEX).
I guess while we're on the subject of orientations, I still think of myself as asexual panromantic, but I will admit that I've noticed I tend to like to be around girls more than guys. Might just be all the BotCon cuddle piles, though. We should have more of those. I like puppy piles. They're like group hugs without the awkward arm flailing elbow smashing discomfort. (Though I also really enjoy all my voice chat fun with my guys from XIV.)
WHOOPS PAST MY BEDTIME
but we made it through the end of season 3! ahahahahaha SUCCESS.
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hahajahahaha ugggggh
I relate to this a lot! Just not getting the boy craze, or caring about the latest boyish movie star with a terrible haircut. It makes me really glad that kids today have a lot more access to different ideas and options and the chance to explore an identity online, anonymously.
I'm really happy that you're out of that terrible place.
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It's cool, though, 'cause the last few times my ace-ness has come up, people have been like, oh okay I don't get it but whatever. And actually one of my old coworkers later had her son tell her he's pretty sure he's asexual, and since she'd already learnt about it from me, it apparently took a whole lot of awkward out of the conversation.
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That's awesome!!
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Though apparently I have surgery on Friday now so, uh, guess I can wait a bit longer...
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Also, aaaa, that conversation with your dad sounds really uncomfortable-making/awkward. I hated those kinds of talks, and my parents were pretty chill about it. Bleh.
They were all, SOMEDAY YOU WILL WANT A DICK IN YOU. YES. SOMEDAY.
>:[ Also I feel like this needs to be made into a Kate Beaton comic.
WELL YOU KNOW, IF YOU EVER WANT A SO, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO HAVE SEX
These people make me super cranky. Um. a) there are a lot of ways to have a really satisfying, intimate relationship WITHOUT sex, b) way to make the assumption that that is the only reason romance exists, and c) way to make the assumption there are NO OTHER ASEXUALS OUT THERE. Jerks.
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My parents didn't even have THE TALK with us until after my brother and I had both gone through that unit in school, and if I ever hear the phrase "and you wrap your vagina around his penis" (complete with helpful hand gesture!) again I will actually throw up. DAD. UGH. YOU HAVE (I ASSUME??) HAD SEX, THAT IS NOT HOW BODIES WORK.
I would possibly print that comic and put it on the walls. ALL the walls.
LET ME PRESENT MY COUNTER ARGUMENTS: a) LIES b) NO U c) YOU JUST MADE THAT UP 'CAUSE YOU CAN'T GET ANY LOLOLOLOLOL