ext_236852 ([identity profile] wyntir-rose.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] jecca_mehlota 2008-04-16 02:27 pm (UTC)

This is great :) I love the banter between those two and the obvious social miscommunication going on.

There is one point where you jump tenses, however (when they're discussing Mirage transforming with Jeremy still inside):

"You'd better not, then," he says conclusively.

"Obviously," Mirage agreed, then added


Other than that, it was great, and the present tense really worked well for the mood.

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