We interrupt the excessive chocobo-related allcaps for...

SPIDERS SPIDERS SPIDERS MY LIFE IS CONSUMED BY SPIDERS /\/\(::_::)/\/\

SPIDERS ON THE WALL AND SPIDERS ON THE CEILING AND SPIDERS ON THE FLOOR
I could write a poem.
I WENT TO LEAVE THE HOUSE AND FOUND A SPIDER ON THE DOOR
It danced a little samba, then looked at me and said,
"I see that book you're hefting and I'd rather not be dead."
I felt a prick of guilt at that, but dared not drop my guard,
and wondered if I could somehow move it out to the backyard.

It took my silence as encouragement and scuttled 'round a bit
But quickly stopped its actions when I shouted, in a fit,
"I see what you are doing there, don't think that I've been fooled!
My mother isn't here right now, and so I've overruled
her policies on spiders and how they are our friends.
You come any closer and, I swear, it'll be your end."

It actually listened and I paused again, impressed,
But even an obedient spider wouldn't lessen my distress.
Holding the book level, I watched it, while considering,
and finally, inspiration! "I think I've just the thing,"
I told it. "I need to get out this door but can't; you're in my way.
And you can't move or else I'll make this your last day.

"Clearly, then, the solution, is for us both to agree
To not attack the other; to respect our boundaries.
I'll open the door if you'll move off to the far side,
and then I'll let you go out first. This way we'll both survive."
The spider agreed readily, and hurried to comply
and, true to our words, we both escape into the warm outside.




...Right. I clearly needed to go to bed at least ten minutes ago. I've now forgotten whatever else I might have planned to say, anyway. Me sleep now.